April Pride Allison is one of those women who turns heads. Literally and figuratively, she’s a powerful risk taker who also happens to be stunning in a rare, old Hollywood glamor sort of way. As I type this, I know that my initial acknowledgement of this woman centers itself on some fairly superficial merits. She is a beautiful woman who is also fiercely successful, and to focus on simply job title and appearance undermines the intention of what Project Girl Crush is. But I must take this opportunity to underscore the fact that I still continue to be mesmerized by women based on these standard, sometimes vapid, values. Women like April intimidate the hell out of me. Asking her to be profiled made my hands tremble – because I still place women on a pedestal, allowing their stories to get clouded with my revere, and the things I assume as a result of that revere.

But back to the woman herself - with a degree in architecture and a Masters from Parsons, April began her career in interior design. But two years ago, she found that something didn’t quite fit. “I was really unhappy,” She explains, “and not in like a boo-hoo, woah is me kind of way, but I was like fuck! What am I going to do?” April’s eyes were wide as she talked about her transition from interior to fashion design. While her firm was finding enormous success, taking on new projects and providing a solid foundation for her family, something was missing. And she found it in a dress – a thirty-year-old hand me down that somehow fit every occasion and every body. Selling her business, April launched April Pride, her label that began with various iterations of that very dress. The transition into her new career didn’t come easily – with two young boys, April made a move that took her from consistent, stable income, to something more unpredictable.  And she also acknowledges the necessity of having help amidst the change: “My decision making is different than a lot of people because, well, my mortgage is paid. I still get to go on a sunny vacation each year.” She explained.

I’d like, again, to pause here. This is truly why I adore April. She has a unique perspective, and is profoundly honest. It could have been so easy for her to continue to build the mysterious allure that is April Pride, to breeze past the fact that she is fortunate enough to have a supportive partnership with her husband. She easily could have taken all of the credit, and made herself appear even more inaccessible.

These are the things that we rarely acknowledge, because we want to have control over the way others perceive us. We don’t want to allow the vulnerable bits to peek through. But April is blunt, and she is real, and she’s worked her ass off for many, many years to build what she has today. “I’ve always been a risk taker, because I didn’t have much to lose,” She described of her upbringing. She was raised with little, in financial terms, and put herself through school. But now, her risks are different. She is carrying more weight these days, as a mother, as a wife, as a woman who changed careers because of instinct.

As we talked, it became clear that April is more willing than most to reveal her quirks and shortcomings. She is astutely self aware, and even a little self-deprecating at times. “A lot of people don’t know this, but I’m really goofy.” She confesses. And it’s true – until you get to know her, it’s easy to look at her talent, her success, her beauty, her charm, and assume she’s impenetrable. And in some regards, she absolutely is. But she’s also a total goofball spaz who admits to tripping over herself regularly. And this is precisely what makes her so lovely. 

Are you creatively fulfilled by what you do?

More than anything I’ve ever done. Aside from LEGOS. 

When you’re having a bad day / week / month, how do you harness that inspiration and keep creating?

Asking how it gets better. Not when. The magic is in the little things that compel and propel you to move forward.

Where else do you find creative fulfillment?

Problem solving people. Including myself. 

When do you feel the most yourself? Why?  

Without a plan. I believe in magic.

When do you feel the least yourself? Why?

On Day 3 without my kids. They are my magic.

What do you love about yourself?

I am less black and white smart but outstanding in the gray, which makes me clever. Not at everything but if you could choose one thing to have on a deserted island, I would be a good pick whether you want to launch an escape or an empire. I am clever at surviving everything from travel to mean girls to a night out. First clever move is quickly finding people way more clever than you, which is how I would describe all my closest friends and my husband. I can also parallel park like a mofo. 

What don’t you love about yourself and why?

Although I love scheming and living in the gray, I can be very black and white. Problem solving people as a creative exercise can be a double edged sword. There is a lot of empathy and a lot of criticism, of myself and others.

Describe your greatest professional achievement:

Total. Career. Overhaul.

Describe your greatest personal achievement:

Ten years- and counting- of marriage. 

Talk about an instance that made you feel vulnerable, unprepared, and/or scared:

Driving my oldest son home from the hospital. We pulled over in the garage for an hour. (We live less than ten minutes from said hospital.) I knew my husband and I were in deep shit.

How did you made it through that time?

I seem to recall there were bottles for baby and mom.  

Who are you intimidated by? Why?

Alicia Hatch. Here’s the big stuff: She is raising four radical boys and scaling/selling businesses all while sober for, like, ever. And she goes to church every Sunday. The little stuff she simply doesn’t sweat.

Name one person you admire and why (perhaps you know him or her, but you don’t have to)?  

My parental unit. (I cannot choose!) Patience, grace and unconditional love.  

At what age did you feel most vulnerable/uncomfortable in your skin, and why?

From conscious memory until age 35. Growing pains.

What advice would you share with that former self?

Relax. 

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, a drawing… however you choose to express yourself.  

Pretty is as pretty does. 

“I have always said ‘why not’?” says Linda Derschang, as we are sit on the back patio of her north Capitol Hill home, where she has prepared an appetizer spread ostensibly stolen from one of her six restaurants. This seemingly haphazard ‘why not’ attitude to business has brought Linda plenty of success, and has allowed her to craft for herself businesses that support her particular art form. A former art school student, Linda has always immersed herself within the arts. A onetime owner of the Seattle music venue Chop Suey, Linda also played bass in a handful of bands (though she admits her efforts were fairly inept). Now, Linda expresses herself through design. Whether she’s concepting something as multifaceted as a new restaurant or as simple as a cocktail menu, this is where she finds her creative release.

Linda has been a staple in the Capitol Hill community since she opened a clothing store on Broadway in the late ‘80s.  Since then, she has built numerous restaurants and bars throughout Seattle, honing her acute vision with each year.   Nowadays, it’s easy to label Linda as one of the most forward thinking female entrepreneurs in our city. However, Linda would likely object to the gender precursor that is so often partnered with her achievements; as though being a womenand being in businessis some sort of exotic pairing. The overtones of language that are so often used without question are as subtle as they are overt, and Linda both recognizes and scoffs at the implications. When asked to speak at a career day with a fellow business owner (who also happened to be a female), the two were designated to a room for ‘hospitality’. She described, “They put us all in different rooms. There were rooms for doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs, hospitality… but why were we, two women who owned more than ten businesses between us, put in hospitality, and two men, who each owned one business, were in the room labeled ‘entrepreneurs’?”

Whether or not it’s a result of being one of a few women in her particular industry, Linda will continue to stand out. She is intelligent and witty, and has the ability to apply her keen eye not only to the restaurants she designs, but also to her own wardrobe. She’s someone who is easy to admire, both from afar and up close. But she’s not one of those women who pretends to juggle it all flawlessly. “I don’t think anyone has it all. It’s about choice.” She said, describing the balance of career, motherhood, travel, relationships, friends, exercise, and all of the things life has to offer. It’s this kind of realness that I appreciate from Linda. These authentic glimpses at who she is is something that people in the public sphere don’t often offer. But Linda is straightforward about her particular brand of success, honest in its achievement and willing to discuss the choices she has made along the way.

What shall we call you?

LD or Linda

Where are you from, and how did you make your way to where you are now?

I was born in upstate NY. I moved to Seattle in 1987 to open a clothing store. Sometimes I think I’ll end up back in upstate NY – the Hudson Valley area to be exact.

What do you do for a living, and how did you find yourself there?

I own 6 bars & restaurants. I have no idea how I found myself with a company this big. Well, I do know, but I also don’t- if you know what I mean.

More importantly, what do you do that you love?

I love working with creative, passionate, smart and funny people. And I work with lots of them.

What inspires you to get up in the morning?

Coffee and the NY Times.

Do you have a specific space that helps you feel inspired?

What does it look and feel like? I love working in my office at home because it’s super cozy and has a little TV so I can watch the news while I work. But I also love our company office, which we call “HQ”. It’s the complete opposite from my home office – it’s very airy, light and white.

Who do you have a girl crush on?

Jane Birkin!

If you had the opportunity to ask her anything, what would it be? 

There is no one question; I would love to just spend an afternoon with her talking about a million things.

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

Worrying is praying for what you don’t want. Sadly, I don’t remember which yoga teacher said it.

What are you listening to on your ipod/car stereo/transistor radio right now?

The new Arcade Fire and the new Head and the Heart albums. I love them both.

What book have you read in the last year that you love?

I read a number of books that I loved, including:

Grace – A Memoir by Grace Coddinton

Strange Stirring by Stephanie Coontz

Half the Sky by Nicholas Kristoph and Sheryl Wu Dunn

What do you have in your pockets right now?

Ear plugs for spin class. I can’t stand the music! I wish I could find a place that plays metal and punk rock, wouldn’t that be amazing to spin to?

What do you love most about being a woman?

The clothing options as a women are so much more interesting than for men.

Do you consider yourself a feminist, and how do you define what that means?

YES! A feminist is a person that believes women are equal to men. I have defined myself as a feminist since I was 14 or 15. I think every woman should consider themselves feminists.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

Know yoga, Know peace. No yoga, no peace.

Be here now. – Ram Dass

You can’t control crazy. – Ric Peterson

Rachel Demy was a name I had heard a thousand times before I met her. She's the friend of friends that keeps popping up, the mysterious person who only seems to exist in the ethers of Instagram. Constantly on the road as a tour manager for artists like St. Vincent, the (somewhat) recent Portland transplant made her home in Seattle early last year. Rachel is warm, funny, and easy to be around. She is earnest, and she looks you directly in the eye. She listens as well as she speaks (and that's saying a lot, because girlfriend is articulate – you'll see).

Unlike most, there doesn't seem to be a wall around her, protecting her vulnerable insides. She is the kind of honest that I strive for in my own life. And so I am going to take this chance to follow her lead. As a tribute to Ms. Demy, allow me to admit something I really don't like admitting. 

Money has always been a massive source of anxiety for me – especially being honest about finances with a partner, because there is so much room for judgment. The way we manage our money says a lot about us. It can reveal what our priorities are, where are weakness are, and it doesn’t often give us an opportunity to sweep ugliness under the rug. Because that ugliness sticks around, and forces us to confront it every month when bills are opened (or more often, ignored). That ugliness is haunting in a way that few other things are.

Recently, my partner called me out on my own financial (and therefore, personal) hypocrisy. He has witnessed my telling of a certain anecdote about a past crush (the incredible April Pride Allison) time and again. I would relay the relief and admiration I felt for a woman who admitted that some of the risks of starting her new business were mitigated by the fact that she has a supportive husband, and at the end of the day, her mortgage is paid. April admitted not only needing help but accepting it. And while I continue to admire her frankness, my partner asked me why then, after borrowing money from him, I made him swear on his life to never tell anyone I had done so. And therein lies the hypocrisy.

It wasn’t until I was talking to Rachel Demy about a similar situation that I once again understood the power in admitting our fallibility. “When I made the leap into freelance, I also made some pretty questionable financial decisions that had me overwhelmed by debt for my entire 20’s. It was something I was really ashamed of and I would distance myself from all of my serious partners because I didn’t want them to know about it. Being 50% of a relationship was something I felt obliged to do – to be equal and autonomous -  but it was actually something I could not afford to do.”

There she was, this person who I have come to deeply admire, telling me about a time when she had fucked up. Actually, she was describing the many, many times she has fucked up, and the shame that's attached to the debt that ensued. And as she told me about her little slice of ugliness, there wasn't so much as a flicker of shame across her face. Her shoulders were back, her chin was high, her voice didn't waver for a moment. Because it's not just the fact that Rachel is honest, it's the fact that she owns and stands by that honesty. 

“I was ashamed of how it had gotten so out of hand and the emotional weight of that debt had me making a lot of decisions that would then perpetuate more debt. When I realized this debt shame spiral was an obstacle to intimacy, I didn’t want to let it win. I needed someone to share that burden with and I made the decision to tell my boyfriend (now fiancée) about every skeleton in my financial closet. I told him about every bad decision, every emotional struggle that manifested in overspending and every fear I had about being found out…I have never felt more naked and afraid in front of anyone I cared about so much – and truly I’ve never felt so loved either. And he just held me while I sobbed, didn’t judge me and we found a way to get me out from under the mountain I had created.”

Rachel reminded me that owning flaw has more power than pretending to be flawless. She reminded me that hers is an example I want to follow, because, at the end of the day, that's where we find connection with others. So thanks Rachel for being yet another amazing embodiment of both the flawless and the flawed.

So - tell me your life story:

I was born in San Diego, CA in 1982 and relocated to Portland, OR when I was 3. My father died pretty tragically when I was 5, leaving my mother a widow at 25 to raise my sister and I. My childhood was difficult in ways I can really only see 30 years later – there are a lot of gaps in my memory, whole years that are just dark – but I would still say I had a good childhood. I was a very goal-oriented overachiever and I was pretty well liked in high school. I was the diplomat who had friends in all the cliques because I did a lot of different things: I was a varsity volleyball player, a drama kid, I went to shows and I worked at a skate shop. I was Sadie Hawkins Queen after beating out a few cheerleaders for the title and I was voted Most Inspirational on my volleyball team 2 years in a row. I graduated from the University of Portland with a political science degree (a degree that was just an excuse to write about DIY music scenes in the Soviet Bloc) and have been working in music since I was 18. I was always very forward-looking and I don’t think I really came online until I turned 28. Being 33 now, the last 5 years have been my most transformative as I have learned to be more present in my own life. Before then, I think I was just trying to survive and keep busy.

Talk about your foray into photography:

I began taking photos when I was 7 or so, with a hot pink Kodak Mickey-matic camera. It shot 110 film and had disposable flash cubes and I remember taking it with me on my first field trip to downtown Portland in elementary school. From a young age, I’ve enjoyed shooting what’s around me, my friends, nothing contrived, staged or overly directed. I’ve spent the last 26 years honing my eye but one could argue that my style and methods really haven’t changed much since I started. I’m still overwhelmingly drawn to people, animals, natural light and geometry. When I started spending my teenage years in venues, I began shooting live music and have been doing that in some capacity ever since. It became a natural creative outlet when I began touring with bands, a way to make sure I stayed engaged with my surroundings when it was too easy to lose my sense of time and place. Photography is still a way for me to center and ground myself when I’m in a cerebral spin.

What drew you to touring and working with bands? 

I’ve always loved music. Some of my earliest memories of loving music were getting my first cassette tape (‘The Simpsons Sing the Blues’), my uncle introducing me to Depeche Mode and The Cure at the age of 8 and the first time I heard the Smashing Pumpkins, which changed everything for me. Siamese Dream came out and I consumed music at a fever pitch for the next 15 years. It wasn’t long after that I started going to shows 2 or 3 times a week, if bands were playing at the few all-ages venues in Portland, OR. As soon as I was old enough, I got an internship working for a local concert promoter, putting together ad packs and fetching lunch. When I turned 21, I spent the rest of college running the box office at shows and became known around town as ‘the door girl’ – which is a weird thing to say out loud but that’s how I got to know Portland and its music scene in a really deep way. And that’s how the scene got to know me. I got a job straight out of school working for a booking agent who had moved from New York and that’s how I got my real-life introduction to the national industry I work in now. It also rendered my political science degree nearly useless. At the agency, we were booking tours for The National (who I would come to tour with 8 years later), The Decemberists, Brian Jonestown Massacre, etc. and I was booking my own bands only a few months after I started there. I think my foray into touring was realizing at the time (and I stand by this now) that no matter how cool the desk job, it’s still a desk job. And I realized the skillset I was refining could be put to better use out in the world rather than from behind a computer screen. So I made the leap to touring using the connections I had made in booking and I still can’t quite believe it all worked out! That was 8 years ago.

Talk about the importance of home – how has it changed over the years, and what does it mean to you to feel at home now?

Wow. That’s a really great question! It’s a theme I’ve written about a lot but haven’t really had an opportunity to share. Many of my earliest memories of home involved a lot of domestic unrest with small bouts of peace and sometimes even actual happiness. Then there’s a lot I don’t remember. After my father died, my mom had to work full-time and put herself through college, all while trying to take care of my sister and I. For most of my adolescence, home was a benignly neglected place. I feel like my mom was doing the best she could to keep a roof over our heads but she really couldn’t do much more than that. And I think all of the pressure really contributed to the alcoholism that kept her absent in other respects – physically but mostly emotionally. My sis and I were left to fend for ourselves, which is definitely a skillset that has had a positive effect in my adult life and my career. But I’d be lying if I said that I loved being home when I was a kid. Our house was a mess and there was never any food. I never wanted to bring my friends over because I was embarrassed. My only place of solace was my basement bedroom that had a door I could lock. If my sister ever snuck in there and stole a CD or something, the violation felt exponentially stronger than I think it did for most kids. I had a lot of trouble sharing my things and my space up until a few years ago. As soon as I turned 18, I left home and then began about 12 years of searching for a place that resembled what I thought home should be like – safe, warm, a place of abundance that I could share with those I care about but still maintain my autonomy. I spent a lot of years getting one or two of those attributes but I’ve never had all three until now. I was once homeless for 8 months because I was touring so much and I’ve never felt more lost, unmoored and heartbroken in my entire life. I’ll never do that again. Finding home has always been a priority for me and now that I’ve found it, I’m loathe to leave it. I often have dinner parties in our place because having a house full of friends and food is something I never thought I would have when I was young. Every time I cook for people, it’s a celebration of what I’ve lived through and a hopeful promise that I will never have to go back there again. Even better was being able to host my mother last year for Christmas. She is now 10 years sober and the most full of life I’ve ever seen her. To have lived through all that together and come out the other side as friends makes me feel like I’m living in a movie sometimes. Like, how did it all work out so well, you know?

When did running become a part of your life, and why?

I was really athletic as a kid but I absolutely hated running. I have asthma so it was much easier for me to do anaerobic exercise and sports, like volleyball or the high jump or something. But when I was 25, depressed and broke, I didn’t really have much of a choice. I couldn’t afford a gym membership or yoga classes, but I knew that finding my long-lost athleticism again would in some way guide me productively through what ended up being a 5-year long existential crisis. I realized then that if I wanted to figure out where I was going and who I wanted to be, it’d be important to look back and remember where I came from and what I enjoyed doing when I was young (before money and status were even considerations). I had a friend who offered to take me on a run and wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I ran 2 very slow, conversational miles with her that day and have been doing it ever since. I always joke with people that I don’t know how anyone gets through their first year of running. I think I probably hated it for about 2 years, actually. And then one day I woke up and realized it had become a part of me. It caught me completely off guard.

How has it changed you?

Simply, running has expanded or blown up every single limitation I’ve put on myself over the years. I never thought I had the strength or lung capacity to run a marathon - certainly not an ultramarathon! I never thought I’d be the kind of person who could practice something day in and day out when it wasn’t a life-or-death situation. I never thought I could set a goal for myself and meet it strictly of my own volition. It has made me the kind of person that I admire but never thought I could actually be. I have an internal momentum right now that has made previously insurmountable things feel easy. The relationship between the body and the mind is endlessly fascinating – each one is capable of pushing the other while working in seamless harmony. And for years, I’ve struggled with one or both of them feeling weak. I’ve never felt this kind of unified strength in my entire life. I definitely don’t feel invincible but I feel capable and that’s all I really want in the end.

When do you feel the most yourself? Why?

When I’m in the kitchen making food for those I love. It’s a place of welcome focus for me, as well as a place run by intuition rather than rules. I don’t struggle with option anxiety, imposter syndrome or that I should be anything other than I am there. It's really peaceful. I can't always say the same for my career in music or my photography. But in the kitchen, I'm proud of my skills, my resourcefulness, and my creativity. And at the end of it all, I get to bring people together and feed them. I almost feel like more of a conduit than anything, like something bigger is working through me. I know it’s just food but it feels like more than that. It’s kind of psychedelic! I’ve always had a hard time with people who say they’d rather take their food in pill form. Like, why??? Why deny yourself the opportunity to participate in something so universal? It makes me really sad because food can be so unifying.

When do you feel the least yourself? Why?

I really hate shopping and I have a hard time dressing myself. I'm not the kind of person who upon opening their closet in the morning sees the unlimited potential and enjoys that. I usually experience overwhelming paralysis. I was the kind of kid who always wished I could go to private school and wear a uniform, which is one reason I was so well suited for touring. I love putting on the same thing over and over again, even when my tour mates would laugh about me wearing the same Smiths t-shirt every day. But who cares? If a person can only make so many decisions in a day, the hell if I’m going to waste half of mine deciding what to wear. Which isn’t to say I don’t care what I look like. If I’m happy in my body and I feel healthy, it really doesn’t matter what I adorn that body with (which is why I invest so heavily in white t-shirts – comfort is key). Good skin and a solid set of eyebrows can carry you much further than makeup. So when do I feel least myself? When I’ve been eating poorly and not drinking enough water; when I’m stuck staring at myself in a dressing room, wearing something I don’t feel comfortable in. I’d rather be out running in the woods, sweaty and disheveled but feeling wholly present with myself. You are quite literally not yourself when you are in a constant state of self-observance, a stranger on the outside looking in.

What do you love about yourself?

Some people may not agree, but I think I’m a really good listener. I don’t just wait for my turn to talk. When someone is speaking to me, I put all my stuff aside, maintain eye contact and really think about what they’re sharing with me. Listening is not something you can multitask. I’m not sure if it’s because of this, but people tend to really open up to me and share things they don’t share with other people. I feel honored to be that kind of a safe place for people. Sometimes I wonder if being a good listener is also a convenient excuse to not share a similar vulnerability with others so I’ve been a bit more proactive lately about offering up my own stories and opinions. I mean, good conversation is an exchange, right? It should never be one-sided. But to be seen, heard and acknowledged by someone is affirming and necessary so I always try to make sure I see, hear and acknowledge those I spend time with. 

What don’t you love about yourself?

Ha! Oh, god. Well, part of my sense of humor is an unabashed dedication to self-deprecation, which I’m fairly certain wears on those who love me. And all that normal body image stuff or we’re-all-going-to-die-alone stuff aside, I think the one thing I’ve struggled with over the years is intimacy. I’ve done things I’m not proud of when my very tall personal walls are breached, usually by someone who cares for me deeply. Through therapy, I’ve come to realize I have a lot of very protective learned behaviors that have been preventing me from getting as close to people as I’d like or, more likely, need. I’m not sure if this is common or not, but I went the extra mile and built an entire life and career on being the person who comes to town for a night and then leaves before anyone can see my darkness (or what I consider to be weak or shameful). Seriously, I used to move every 2 years as a kid and then I picked the one career that gave me an excuse to never call anyone back, ask for help or let people see me in my entirety. Usually, I have the privilege of being alone in a hotel room when I fall apart. I knew that taking this year off from touring was going to be uncomfortable because I was finally going to have to be around the people I love constantly, without the busyness of my job to fall back on. I knew I’d have WAY too much time to think about all the people I’ve let down over the years or the friendships that got ruined from years of neglect. The good news? I only had a few months of paranoia that everyone I knew hated me and I balanced out considerably after that passed. The anxiety dwindled and its place is a wellspring of energy to reinvest in those I love and in my new community in Seattle. Sometimes you just need to get stuck in the shit for awhile, allow others to grab your waving hand and help pull you out. I’m still not the most open, intimate person I would like to be, but I am moving forward. With help, of course. Also, my Ukrainian genetics enable me to grow a pretty mean mustache. I dunno. Maybe that’s something to be proud of?

Talk about an instance in your life that made you feel the most vulnerable:

When I made the leap into freelance, I also made some pretty questionable financial decisions that had me overwhelmed by debt for my entire 20’s. It was something I was really ashamed of and I would distance myself from all of my serious partners because I didn’t want them to know about it. Being 50% of a relationship was something I felt obliged to do – to be equal and autonomous -  but it was actually something I could not afford to do. I was ashamed of how it had gotten so out of hand and the emotional weight of that debt had me making a lot of decisions that would then perpetuate more debt. When I realized this debt shame spiral was an obstacle to intimacy, I didn’t want to let it win. I needed someone to share that burden with and I made the decision to tell my boyfriend (now fiancée) about every skeleton in my financial closet. I told him about every bad decision, every emotional struggle that manifested in overspending and every fear I had about being found out. I was scared of never EVER being able to be free of that debt because it so pervasive. I truly couldn’t imagine my life without my debt. Like, what goals would I have if I wasn’t constantly seeking money to pay off the credit card companies? I couldn’t see my own future. I have never felt more naked and afraid in front of anyone I cared about so much – and truly I’ve never felt so loved either. And he just held me while I sobbed, didn’t judge me and we found a way to get me out from under the mountain I had created.

What did you do to make it through?

Aside from all the boring practical adjustments I had to make in my life, I started going to therapy to address the emotional triggers that led to overspending, consumption and whatever other addictive personality traits I have. Once I started addressing those old emotions, the urge to spend actually lessened. I’ve since cut up all my credit cards and for the first time in my life, I have a savings account. For the first time since adolescence, I’m feeling the potential of my future. It’s as good as I imagined it.

When was the last time you were guilty of judging a woman too quickly?

I am actually pretty metered in my judgment of people. I tend to do a good job of giving people the benefit of the doubt before I meet them or even after an awkward first impression. I did, however, judge a woman I knew publicly on the internet once with a pretty mean-spirited tweet and I am not proud of that. Before my conscience could catch up with my fingers, I made a statement that was fueled by many years of anger at how this person had hurt a few people I care about. I wanted to expose the so-called “truth” about her. But man, did that backfire! I took the tweet down and apologized to those involved but what plagues me still is that I represented myself so poorly and acted counter to everything I stand for. I contributed to the same unnecessary ugliness on the internet I try to fight every day. I contributed to age-old narratives that make women look superficial and catty, that have pit women against each other for millennia. Should I, as a feminist, be proud of trying to call another woman out? Absolutely not! Those who know me could look past a tweet like that and understand it as one facet of my personality, not the whole. But those who don’t know me? Well, I just made myself look like a spiteful person, which I’m really not, but how would they know that? I guess my point is this: to err is human and as our lives become more public, we will make more mistakes in public and those mistakes will be pretty immortal. But I think we can’t judge the quality of a person’s character necessarily on their mistakes alone, but also how they atone for those mistakes. So this situation was a good learning experience for me – judge not lest ye be judged and always seek the humility to right your mistakes. These two mantras have been present in my mind every day since. 

Name one of your girl crushes, and why you are crushin’ on her:

Besides you two? Where do I start? I have so many women in my life that I crush on and it’s hard to choose just one. You’ve already interviewed a few of my crushes (Kathleen Tarrant, Kate Harmer and Jenny Jimenez) so if I can’t choose them, I’d probably choose my friend Sarah Jurado. I’ve known Sarah for about 8 years and have seen her go through some of the darkest emotional territory of anyone I know – all the while doing it completely sober. Watching her emerge back into the land of the living these last few years, healing from some pretty brutal battle scars and again becoming the Sarah I fell in love with years ago is nothing short of miraculous. I think if you ask any of her other girlfriends, they’ll all agree. She’s such a vision these days.

What frustrates you about the way women treat each other?

My frustrations aren’t new. I think the perception that we’re all fighting over the same tiny slice of pie is part of the patriarchal narrative that will be the hardest to exorcise. The patriarchy extends much deeper into ourselves than I think even we, as women, are comfortable admitting. But I don’t blame women for feeling that way. It’s going to take a little time. I do take issue with women judging women on the right and wrong ways to be a feminist. I think it’s deeply personal and as varied as one’s definition of femininity. But I don’t think anyone’s definition is wrong, as it changes with and is defined by our own personal experience. I would be lying if I said I was open to and understanding of women who protest abortion clinics. I think the title of Pro-Life is incredibly misleading. I think you can be supportive of life and still be supportive of a woman's right to choose. If I had it my way, the titles would be Pro-Choice or Pro-No-Choice as we're really fighting for legislation that will dictate whether women does or does not have a choice over her own medical future. I mean, we have a choice about everything else – insurance plans, printer paper, laundry detergent, etc. – why not this? I don’t think anyone’s disputing the utopian ideal that a world without a need for abortion would be pretty alright. But that would also be a world without rape, without misogyny, without abuse, without terror, without murder and with access to affordable healthcare, education and a multitude of other basic human rights of survival. So until we get there, I don’t understand how women publicly use shame and fear tactics toward other women for being mired in a system that does little to protect the lives and bodies of women. It doesn’t have to be this way and it breaks my heart. 

Tell me a story about that way your perception shifted about another woman after getting to know her:

To make an incredibly long story short, one of my dearest friends came into my life, well, kind of out of nowhere. She moved to my town and became friends with all my friends and, I found out a little later, had feelings for my newly recent ex-boyfriend. It was very, very challenging for me. But it was made more challenging by the fact that I actually really liked her. I had no idea what to do with all the conflicting emotions. So I talked to her about them on multiple occasions, whenever and however often the feelings came up. For whatever reason, I felt like I had nothing to lose with this person but that there was an overarching reason she had come into my life. There was a lesson in all of this for me. And sure enough, over time, as she heard me, as I got to know her better, as the ex faded away into history, I was able to find a deep, loyal friend in this woman who kind of just paratrooped into my life. Now when I see her, I have such a strong family bond, of kindred spirits who have been through something together. She’s also incredibly funny, creative, a great artist and she teaches me how to call bullshit on bad situations. I’m glad I stuck with her and I’m glad she stuck with me.

What do you love about the way women treat each other?

Women are compassionate and understanding. The women I know have an innate talent at finding meaning in small things and I find women to be incredibly hopeful. Some people like to have a jab at women who are affirming of each other, who tell each other they’re beautiful and talented, as though it’s a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. I think it takes a lot of courage to share feelings with people, to help, affirm and remain open to each other. I don’t admire people who think they did everything themselves (because no one really does – that’s delusional), who take pride in controlling their emotions (or the emotions of others) or who claim to not need people. The women I know are really good at sharing and they know how to be happy for each other and celebrate each other’s accomplishments. And you know what? I know a lot of men who are equally as good at this stuff. I mean, what fun is anything if you have no one to share it with? Like, “Oh, cool. You did it all yourself. Enjoy your party of one." 

Fiona Pepe strikes a balance between soft and bold - someone who is drenched in color and carries herself with a soft kind of strength. Both seer and subject, Fiona is a fashion photographer and stylist by day and burlesque dancer by night. She easily transitions between the woman behind the lens and the woman in front of it, somehow embodying both roles with pure authenticity. She coaxes beauty from within others while shooting, and from within herself while dancing. She’s found a natural balance, one that’s genuinely her.

When I first met the Seattle native, I imagined that a woman so entrenched within the arts must have been creatively encouraged from a young age. But her parents, both academics, had little interest in fashion or dance, and had expectations of a daughter who would follow their intellectual lead. Yet Fiona’s pull was elsewhere. “My Grandma was a huge influence on me, growing up – my parents could not stand her. Thick Brooklyn accent, Italian background… really into fashion, Rockefella Centa, the lights, the shows… complete polar opposite of my parents. And she just encouraged the shit out of me… So to have her give some sort of validation to my interest in clothes was vital.”

Now, clothing is an enormous aspect of Fiona’s life. Most of her photography incorporates her own styling, and she’s traveled all over the country shooting tests for young models, often new to the industry. “It’s just so crazy to be talking to someone who is 16, and from Russia, and they’re petrified! I make sure to tell them how brave they are.” She says of the individuals she often shoots. She has a way with these young models, often women, often foreign. She doesn’t just shoot images that make them look beautiful, but always manages to hone in on their defining characteristics. “I remember their mannerisms, their quirks, some crazy story they told me… so I can have these experiences connected to these photos... It’s like a journal in a way.”

Fiona makes fashion joyful, adding necessary depth to an industry which desperately needs it. She is the girl next door who always calls to play dress up, a friend who never elicits an answer of ‘no’.

As she’s been working to craft the brand emblematic of both her business and of herself, Fiona came upon a lavender tinted image of Mt. Saint Helens amidst its eruption at a thrift store. The image perfectly encapsulates who she is, and how she approaches her art: with the capacity for something explosive, yet grounded at the core. 

What do you do for a living, and how did you find yourself there?

I am a full-time fashion photographer and stylist.  I bought a camera on a whim six years ago and just started playing. I am self-taught. The process of learning the camera and beginning to explore my ‘eye’ was a wonderful experience.  I make sure I still play as much as possible.

More importantly, what do you do that you love?

I feel so fortunate to actually do what I love for a living.  I am shooting all the time!

Another love of my life is dance.  I have been dancing since I was nine years old, and still take class and perform regularly. The grace, discipline, and body awareness that comes from dance definitely translates into my work as a photographer as well. 

How and where do you find inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life? 

Eccentric performers have been a constant source of inspiration for me. I have learned so much from them about vision, confidence, creating a theatrical lifestyle, making masterpieces from scraps and hot glue, and sharing energy with an audience.

I also find so much inspiration in the models themselves!  I am constantly inspired by the people I shoot and what they bring to the table.

What challenges have you met in chasing that inspiration?

As is true with most artists, there are moments of feeling stuck or without a clear goal.  The ups and downs of creating.

Do you have a specific space that helps you feel inspired? What does it look and feel like?

My dance studio  - Westlake Dance Center – is the closest thing I have to true spirituality. The nostalgia of dancing within those walls for so many years really grounds me and makes me feel connected to my deepest self.

Who do you have a girl crush on?

Marion Cotillard

If you had the opportunity to ask her anything, what would it be?

I would be speechless.

Who/what is your “spirit animal”?

Liza Minelli’s character, Sally Bowles, in the movie ‘Cabaret’.

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

“NEVER..EVER….overcook pasta”

-My Italian father

Who is the person in your life that helps fuel love and creativity, and how does he or she do so?

My grandmother was a flashy woman, and I was opened up to self-expression and fashion because of her. She loved shows, dressing up, and the lights of New York City. She encouraged me to be bright.

What challenges have you encountered in your life that are linked to your gender?

At times it has been a challenge to be taken seriously as a female running a small business, but for the most part it hasn’t been an issue.

Do you consider yourself a feminist, and how do you define what that means?

YES. I believe in complete equality of men and women.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

“What good is sitting alone in your room?

Come hear the music play.

Life is a cabaret, old chum.

Come to the cabaret.”

Do you have a website or blog that you would like to share?

www.fionapepe.com

Erika Dalya Massaquoi’s has a presence that is impossible to define on paper. She is unabashed, she is warm, and she is astonishingly friendly in a city where overt, sincere friendliness is rare. I first met Erika as she was preparing to unveil her curatorial work for Bumbershoot’s Asian and African fashion exhibit, Fashiony. She had invited the author of New African Fashion, Helen Jennings, to give a talk on her book a few days before Bumbershoot was set to kick off.  The event was on Capitol Hill —an area of Seattle steeped in coolness. But that hipster cool is so often blanketed with a cutting chill that when Erika offered her hand in greeting, I was immediately drawn in by her earnest affability. A curator and educator, Erika found her way to art through cinema. She describes the intention of her work as “all about creating emotional touch points for audiences which will allow them to connect to art in a more alive and intuitive way”, and I couldn’t endorse a woman more up to the task. She is profoundly alive and self-assured, yet still maintains that approachability that initially drew me in. She’s a glamorous creature, without doubt, and when she invited me into her home, I struggled to conjure images of a space that encapsulated her congeniality, fine aesthetic appreciation, and graceful nature.  I almost giggled when I entered and was greeted by the smell of fresh baked cookies (no joke) and crisp bubbly—the flawless combination of Erika’s warmth and sophistication displayed in a single welcoming.

When asked to describe her space, Erika says, “I like to perform and I love to live the high life—we have a lot of fun in our house. It’s important to live beautifully and create exhilaration in this life.” Both candor and fun are vital to this woman, and she effortlessly swept me into her bustling world of art, fashion, and family. The balance she strikes seems to be a culmination of those aforementioned pillars, and she walks the line with seemingly ease.  The rare insight she provided me helped solidify this woman’s realness— I saw a woman obsessed with art and fashion, yes, but I also saw a mother and wife who delightfully fawned and fussed over her family. She sat on the floor of her living room as we talked, her daughter crawling over and around her as she spoke.

What inspires you to get up in the morning?

My daughter Luba wakes me up with: “I want milk mama!” And my husband Joe prepares her warm milk and brings me coffee in bed—it is the most playful time of my day. My favorite word is mama. 

How and where do you find inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life? 

I’m a yogi and a runner. Yoga provides discipline and allows me to let go of the noise and the fray. And, I love a runners’ high. If I feel good physically, then I’m more acute mentally and emotionally and have a more productive day. Also, I am a maniac about being prepared—preparation equals pain avoidance. Also, as a cultural worker, I overdose on all matter of media—I’m a big believer in popular culture—it’s important to belong to the times that you are in.

Who do you have a girl crush on (you don’t have to know her, she doesn’t even have to be alive)?

It changes all the time and my crushes are usually on performers. Today it’s Sarah Vaughan. I’m enthralled with the theatre of jazz singers and chanteuses. My interest in the arts was piqued when I became a thespian—I attended a performing arts high school (New World School of the Arts in Miami, FL) and was so impressed by the triple threats—those who could sing, dance, and act—the multi-hyphenates. Today I did a samba around the living room with my daughter signing “Whatever Lola Wants”. I like to perform and I love to live the high life—we have a lot of fun in our house. It’s important to live beautifully and create exhilaration in this life.

If you had the opportunity to ask her anything, what would it be?

How did you hone your devil may care attitude? That ability to communicate grace, intellect, and poshness with such succinct clarity? With such pitch perfect confidence?

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

When my husband and I were married, a close family friend instructed us to “Let the bliss settle into a routine.” Isn’t that fabulous? Another is: “Work hard, but work easy.” It was shared with my by one of my favorite mentors, fashion doyenne Audrey Smaltz, who has impeccable taste and tact. I love when hard work is made to look effortless. Another golden nugget is “Pray on it, and then leave it alone,” which my great Aunt Pearl shared with me, along with her stellar recipe for butter pound cake.

Who is the person in your life that helps fuel love and creativity, and how does he or she do so?

That would be my husband, Joseph. He is sincere, thoughtful, considerate, wise, practical, and honest. His spirit balances my excessive romantic and dramatic tendencies. He is my best friend and has helped me create a life this is in complete alignment with my goals.

What do you love most about being a woman?

The gift I’ve been given to raise a child, my daughter. I feel like I truly understand what it means to cherish—to appreciate and value—and the moment is so halcyon in light of my mother’s sudden death a few years ago. A friend told me years ago before I had my own family that she was “a wife and a mother and that everything else was fiction.” At the time I was perplexed by the austerity of her statement but, now, I totally understand her sentiment. I think it’s a riff on the separation of fact and fantasy. I mean, at the end of the day, who are you going to lean on? Who is going to be your rock?

Do you consider yourself a feminist, and how do you define what that means?

I am a feminist. I feel it is essential that we connect our personal lives and everyday experiences to the political action needed to promote fairness and opportunity for all women. In terms of my personal practice of feminism, in my academic work I examine how sexism, class oppression, and racism are inextricably bound together. In my personal life I try to actively petition for economic, racial, and social fairness in addition to environmental well-being. I serve on the Board of Directors of The Feminist Press and my most significant contribution to date has been to identify emergent voices in feminist practice—voices that represent the next generation of activists and thinkers. I spearheaded the Press’s 40 Under 40 initiative that identified tastemakers and influencers who best represent what feminism is all about: gender equality and social justice.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

So, it’s no secret that fashion inspires me. Once, when I was perplexed and stressed, a friend said, “Just think Balenciaga and breathe.” That still cracks me up. Another crazy line is: “Whatever is difficult, heavy, or expensive must be good. I love the quirk and moxie of this statement. I think Mr. Chow said it—what a character.

Do you have a website or blog that you would like to share?

Sure, I have a website: www.erikadalya.com, an online creative archive titled “Coolness” (my signature catchphrase) that tracks cool art, design, fashion food, life, media, and style (http://erikadalya.blogspot.com) and a tumblr:http://cinemagirl.erikadalya.com.

Laura Cassidy tells stories. As the style editor of Seattle Met, the editor of Seattle Met Bride & Groom, and the editorial director of three biannual wedding magazines, storytelling is integral to Laura’s day, professionally speaking. But the stories of hers that I enjoy most are the stories she tells for the sake of art. Her blog, Fire Expresses Itself With Fire, contains short prose, poetry, and examples of current projects. She is, in my opinion, an artist through and through. She is someone who is dedicated to a substantial kind of beauty, the kind of beauty that cannot just be appreciated, but the kind of beauty that must be honored. She produces zines, posters, and art utilizing various mediums. And, not one to be confined just to words, Laura’s artists scope expands to a manner of dress, as she never disappoints, sartorially speaking.

Recently, I spent time at the home that Laura shares with her husband. She’s called their space the place she feels most inspired, describing it as “this mid-century, incredibly Northwest structure that we fill with invaluable family objects, found and created handmade accents, clothes and music and books, and friendship”. It’s hard not to feel welcome there, by the home itself and by its inhabitants. “I like what happens when a group of us eats and drinks and talks and laughs there,” Laura says. “I’m thankful that that happens often because it tells me who I am and what I came here to do.”

This is a woman whose lust for art and is transmissible. A woman who trusts and honors her passion in a way few of us are capable of. Read what Laura has to say about inspiration, challenge, and beauty, below.

Visit her blog at http://fireexpressesitselfwithfire.tumblr.com/

How and where do you find that inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life?

It’s more like what doesn’t inspire me, but mostly it comes down to books. I keep piles of books everywhere—art and fashion books in the living room, favorite novels and story collections by the bed, weird texts from the thrift store in our art studio, poetry anthologies and biographies in my study. I know, intimately and abstractly, what’s in all those pages in all those stacks, and that’s what pushes me to chase the characters that intrigue me, to tease out the themes I pick up on, and to illustrate and share the ideas that connect me to the world as it is and could be.

What challenges have you met in chasing inspiration?

Choosing one path. Knowing which direction to take. Wanting someone to tell me the answer but knowing that I’m the only one who knows.

Getting things out of my notebooks and laptop and into the world. That’s a big one. But I’m working on it.

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

My husband says “Make your weakness your strength” and although he’s sometimes being cynical or sarcastic, sometimes he means it. It’s really a pretty smart little nugget, and I happen to have a lot of weaknesses so it comes in handy.

There’s also this thing that one of my best girls, Emily Smith, said to me via text. “Chic and easy,” she tossed off, and really, it’s the only guideline you’ll ever need. It’s become a manifesto of sorts for our crew because it applies to outfits, dinner plans, and what to do when your boss is making your head explode.

 Who do you have a girl crush on?

I always have a girl crush, typically several. Often the woman is older—like, gray haired and richly experienced. A lot of times the woman is a mother. I do get pretty intensely involved with women I’ll never meet because they’re dead or not at all in my physical universe. Or maybe sometimes I get obsessed with them because I want to bring them closer to my physical universe.

I’m pretty crushed out on the writer Amy Hempel right now; it’s as if obsessively Googling her might magically make her start Googling me. Part of a crush is wanting the crushee to crush back, right?

The last time I really went down a bunny hole was with Zoe Dusanne, who was an African American gallerist in Seattle in the 40s and 50s. She created an avant-garde art scene in her home in a time when that was just anachronistic and totally punk. She was responsible for bringing Yayoi Kusami to America and hosted the first local showings of people like Marcel Duchamp and Piet Mondrian—but no one knows about her anymore. I have been talking about her for the last year or so, though, and I’m finally meeting other women who want to help me bring her back into existence.

Who/what is your spirit animal?

It’s probably a giant cliche, but Joan Didion. Homegirl covered politics and broke down complicated world issues while editing at Vogue and writing fiction. And she is so perfectly inside and outside of herself at all times. Her style and writing style are swift, decisive, and unadorned—yet anything but plain. She’s composed and imperfect. Feminine and resolute. Small and mighty. Clear and beautifully complex. She was supposed to read here a few weeks ago but had to cancel, and it nearly broke my heart. 

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

"Say yes when no one asked." (Lao proverb) I saw colors when I came across that, because it seems a twin to "Listen when no one is talking," which is something that some wave or bird or breeze or flower said to me, so I wrote it down in a notebook and have been repeating silently in my head ever since.

A couple of days into the New Year, I sat at Genevieve’s family’s home in Wyoming. With a handful of like-aged peers, we talked over wine, engaging in playful arguments, interrupting one another, challenging views. And then Deb Thomas joined us. With long grey hair and a slow and intentional manner, her words were chosen carefully. She didn’t demand our attention, she didn’t even ask for it. Yet all of us were enraptured as she spoke. Deb seemed to have all of the answers – with unwavering confidence, I balked at her manner, intimidated, enthralled. This is the kind of woman I want to be one day.

After her Project Girl Crush interview, I was shocked to find that Deb didn’t, in fact, have all of the answers. While her sure-footed confidence was anything but a ruse, Deb was still honest about her own uncertainty. She doesn’t float through the world without flaw, without fear, as I had imagined. Rather, she admitted to being as vain today as she was thirty years ago, still fussing over those small lines, still feeling intimidated in the face of others, particularly females who possess intelligence, strength, and beauty (as Deb herself certainly does).

The lesson I learned from Deb is that it isn’t about having all of the answers. Rather, it’s about developing a better coping method when dealing with insecurity. In her words, “Nothing really changes - you just learn how to deal with it a little better.” According to her, the bumps along the road will still come, and they’ll be as difficult to face as they were in any decade. But now, when she encounters those bumps, she knows how to temper her reaction instead of spinning off the deep end (like some of us tend to do).

I have yet to meet a woman whose self-assurance is unwavering, whose body image is completely positive, who doesn’t constantly judge herself and others. But I have kept hoping, believing that finding that kind of confidence would instill hope in myself for the same. But I realized that there’s more power in knowing that people aren’t immune to insecurity – that it isn’t a point in life that’s eventually achieved. Because what Deb has learned is accessible for all of us. And it’s a continued reminder that the feelings of doubt we feel are shared – no matter what we might make up about each other.

What do you do for a living?

Energy Consultant/Community Organizer.  I work with people and communities who are impacted by fossil fuels exploration and development.

How did you come to do what you do?

In 2000 oil and gas development started on state land adjacent to my husband and my property.  Consequently, our home, property and community are severely impacted by the development.  Groundwater/aquifer contamination, air quality issues from emissions, serious health conditions and diminished property values are among the impacts.

When do you feel the most yourself? Why?

Good question!  My idea of self has definitely changed through the years.  Even though my basic values have stayed the same, how I see and feel myself is different than it was 10, 20, 30… years ago.  As I age I appreciate more about who I am and understand more about how important the ability to change is.  Even though it is often difficult, I try to embrace change.  In addition, I feel differently in different situations.  So, I think I feel “myself” in one way when I’m alone, and a different way when I’m with friends and family, when I’m working, or in a public situation.  It sounds a little schizophrenic, but I don’t think I’m more myself in any one situation.

When do you feel the least yourself? Why?

My work can be confrontational, so the way I am and feel in work situations is often more guarded than when I’m in a non-work environment.  But again, I wouldn’t say I feel least myself; just a different version of myself.

Describe one thing you love about yourself, and why:

My curiosity and desire to learn.  The longer I live, the more I want to learn and understand about the world around me and what makes it tick.  I’m not very patient and hate being bored, so maybe constant stimulation keeps boredom at bay.

What don’t you love about yourself and why?

My ego.  It causes me to speak and act before I think.  It also inhibits the ability to recognize what’s really going on around me.

Describe your greatest professional achievement:

Helping to stop oil and gas development on the Shoshone National Forest.

Describe your greatest personal achievement:

Having our son, Quinn…being a mother.

Describe an experience that made you feel extreme discomfort and vulnerability:

When I was in my early 20s, I slapped a man in a bar that made an inappropriate comment about a previous situation I’d been involved in.  He slapped me back.  I was in the bar with several friends, male and female.  No one came to my rescue.

What kept you going after that experience?

Time and reflection about what had really happened, and who was really at fault.

Looking back, do you find that experience valuable? Why?

When the disagreement happened, I felt that my friends had not been supportive or protective of me.  I felt like they didn’t value me.  What I realized later was that no-one had time to act, nor did they hear the conversation between the man and me.  It helped me understand how quickly events happen and how important it is to not act on impulse.  It was also a very important lesson about how violence escalates and why it doesn’t solve problems.

Describe an experience when you felt incompetent, and why you felt that way:

My first time lobbying at the Wyoming legislature.  I had all of my facts and figures in order, and had prepared what I believed was an impenetrable case.  Our State Representatives did not share my enthusiasm, and did not have any interest in listening to what I had brought to them. 

Who are you intimidated by? Why?

I’m often intimidated by women who I see as more beautiful or knowledgeable than I am.  I have a hard time with women, particularly my age, who are well educated and work on the same issues that I do, especially when they’re physically beautiful.

Name one person you admire and why (perhaps you know him or her, but you don’t have to)?

Dick Bilodeau, because he is the most honest person I know…often times to a fault.  Although it’s not always comfortable, being married to him has made me much more honest; not only about what I say and do, but who I am.

Name one woman you have a girl crush on. Why?

Theo Colborn.  In her 50s, with children and challenges in her personal life, Theo went back to school and received a Ph.D in zoology.  She worked on the Great Lakes cleanup, the Clean Air Act, and became one of the most recognized experts in the world on endocrine-disrupting chemicals.  One of the greatest opportunities of my life was to intern under her.  She was in her early 80s and suffering serious health issues from chemical exposures, but still a force to be reckoned with.  Theo encouraged everyone she came in contact with and always had time to help people.  She provided some of the first and best scientific information on how the chemicals used in oil and gas development and production are affecting human and environmental health.

What in particular draws you to her?

Her persistence and genuine kindness.

What’s a meaningful piece of advice you have been given, and who gave it to you?

Theo told me to never stop telling my story.   She believed that personal experience was one of the best ways to create change.  She’s right.

At what age or stage in your life did you feel most insecure, and what experience did you undergo that illustrates that discomfort?

At age 5, when I had to start school.  Until then, I believed the world revolved around me.  It was extremely difficult to understand I was not the center of the universe, and the experience resulted in a dislike for, and distrust of, authority figures.  It also caused me to hate school.

What advice would you share with that former self?

Be more open to other people, and learn as much as you can from them.  Also, get as much education as you can.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, a drawing… however you choose to express yourself.

Although I’m not religious, or even Christian, I like the bible verse 1 Corinthians 13:13:

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

There’s this theme that’s emerged in a lot of interviews with our Girl Crushes: they’re basement dwellers. And not just any basement – their parent’s basement. And Stacey Rozich is no exception.  “Quitting art school was sad for me, it really screwed up my whole plan,” Stacey described of leaving her Bay Area art program after completely the first year. “I would be in regular contact with my friends [in school] and I got to hear about all of the cool things they were creating and fun things they were doing. And I was living in my parents basement.” Stacey has always known she was an artist, but the decision to leave school felt like a kind of failure. We can all agree that school isn’t for everyone – but the institution is so ubiquitous in this country that people who don’t excel feel like failures. Whether you’re struggling through a program that doesn’t inspire you, or, in Stacey’s case, opting to bail on a program that doesn’t challenge you. Whenever I have doubted my own direction, my default reaction has often been to enroll in a Masters program (to date, I’ve been accepted in a psych program as well as an MBA program – how’s that for academic schizophrenia). In a way, it’s like pushing a pause button on life, but having a damn good excuse to do so. Even when you’re not passionate about what you’re doing. And Stacey, even after dropping out of that art program, decided to give school a second shot. So she enrolled in a graphic design program - and was less than thrilled with what she found: “I just felt lost and lukewarm about the whole situation, which I feel is akin to incompetence. I kept thinking, “When does this feel fun? A least a little?” I was so bored and not excited at all even after I had spent two years in school getting really ramped up to be in that field. It was a pretty big let down, actually.”

Now a renowned artist, Stacey has identified her passion, and has honed her craft and found success in doing so. She has held solo shows across the country and worked for clients ranging from Starbucks to Refinery 29 to local Seattle favorite Rachel’s Ginger Beer.  She works really hard, because she knows she has to. “My motivation and work ethic have gotten really strong, and sometimes I even amaze myself with how much I get done,” she revealed.  

It’s baffling to think of a time when Stacey was fledgling – to picture her dropping out of school, moving home, and doubting herself. But – surprise everyone! Even successful people stumble. Because life is about trying shit on. But just as those jeans look much better on the manikin than they do on my curvaceous bum, someone else’s passion won’t flatter me if I don’t share their zeal. Stacey found success in her art because she finally committed herself to something that mattered to her, not something that mattered to someone else. When you finally figure out what you want to do with your life, you know it’s right if you’re willing to sacrifice for it, if you’re willing to become impossibly scrappy and make it work, despite the odds. And Stacey Rozich is living proof that it pays off. “My dad told me: “draw every day” when I was a little kid and I completely took it to heart. And now look at me!”

What inspires your work?

My inspiration is an ever-evolving entity, I think of it as a big rolling blob that’s constantly moving and soaking up different artists like Henri Rousseau, Nick Cave, Marcel Dzama, Frida K, Matthew Craven, to name a few. Then it rolls over onto different cultural traditions like Mexican folk masks, Eastern European textile motifs and costumes, turn of the century Japanese toys, etc. It loves detritus of pop culture, like classic snack food packaging and sweet tennis shoes. It doesn’t stay in one place for long but it has amassed quite a collection of styles that I draw from quite often.

Along the way, what have been some of your biggest challenges when it comes to realizing your success?
The biggest challenge has always been weathering the droughts. A few years ago, in 2011 to be exact, I decided to throw caution to the wind and quite my restaurant job. I was in the last half of design school so I chose to focus on that and to work on “my craft”. I was incredibly lucky to have support from my family even though I think they thought it was perhaps not the smartest move, but I was supported. I made it work, but I did see how crushing the lows got when I had a long time between freelance work and gallery shows — I look back on the last few years now and I think “how did I survive?” but I learned to be really clever and to hustle because no one else was supporting me. I’ve gotten really good at being straight to the point when I’m asking about where my dang money is on certain jobs, which is a big help! Since I’ve stuck it out it has gotten easier, though I still have bouts of anxiety but it always, always works out.

What do you love about yourself?

My motivation and work ethic have gotten really strong, and sometimes I even amaze myself with how much I get done or am able to set up. I have a strong empathetic streak which is why I love the people around me so hard, which can go full tilt and actually give me anxiety — but I think ultimately it’s a good thing? I hope so. Also I like a’ to make de jokes.

What don’t you love about yourself?

Oh boy, how long can this list go? Just kidding! I don’t like that I hold on to things, not grudges per se, but I let little things weasel their way into my consciousness and totally throw me off. Like, why would that person say that to me? Or do that? I let mole hills turn into mountains even though I eventually get over it and forget just as quickly as it comes up, yet I really do let things stew until I blow up. I figure it would save me a lot of time to get less wound up and to just zen out man, hang loose.

Also having big boobs is something I often don’t love, it makes trying on clothes so annoying!

Describe your greatest professional achievement:

It’s like having children, and saying in a dreamy voice “All of my projects are my greatest achievement” but not really. Winning the one and only grant I’ve ever applied for, the Neddy at Cornish College was a huge thing for me. And for anyone that get’s it! I felt like such a young outsider when I applied, I was 24 and up against so many amazing and more academically and professionally accomplished painters. When I went through the interview process and then got word, It was a feeling of complete exhilaration followed by total terror. I kept thinking there was a type-o, and you know? Sometimes I still think they’re going to e-mail me and say they made a mistake. Until that day comes, I’m content to feel very humbled and proud to have received that generous grant.

Describe your greatest personal achievement:

I would have to say staying true to myself and my dreams — cornball alert! — and never stopping even when I tried to do other things. I took such a weird circumnavigated route in my schooling (private art school first, then community college after) that when I see where I am now, I knew in my heart of hearts that I was doing the right thing even though it was the unconventional way.

Talk about an instance in your life that made you feel vulnerable:

Quitting art school was sad for me, it really screwed up my whole plan. I deluded myself into thinking I was just “taking time off” after my second year. Eventually that idea faded away as weeks turned into months and the reality of the expense and the difficulty to start over hit me. I would be in regular contact with my friends down in the Bay Area and I got to hear about all of the cool things they were creating and fun things they were doing. And I was living in my parents basement. I tried going to a temp agency to get placed in a more “office environment” job because I thought I should do something with myself — and to make real money! — and I felt like a flattened version of myself when I went on a few interviews. I was like Office Administration Stacey doll, dress me up in stupid slacks and pose me how you want! After a particularly bad interview at a hedge fund office, I l went outside and it was dark and raining in classic Seattle style. I went into the downtown library into their children’s book section and just sniffled back tears as I was looking at all of the artwork, all of the beautiful paintings of classic kids books. So I never called that temp agency back and decided to fully go back into painting.

How did you keep your chin up?
I dip into the never ending reel of The Simpsons clips that are constantly playing in my head and I feel better.

When is the last time you remember feeling incompetent?

When I actually tried being a graphic designer! I’m sure my instructors would love to read that. Okay, maybe I didn’t feel incompetent, I just felt lost and lukewarm about the whole situation, which I feel is akin to incompetence. I kept thinking, “When does this feel fun? A least a little?” I was so bored and not excited at all even after I had spent two years in school getting really ramped up to be in that field. It was a pretty big let down, actually.

Name one of your girl crushes, and why you are crushin’ on her: 

Only one?! Oh man, that’s so hard. Maybe it’s because I just completed a project for her (the mural at the new RGB on Pine and 12th) but Rachel Marshall of Rachel’s Ginger Beer is very inspiring for me. I love a self-made business woman, and her vision and work ethic is rock solid. I like to model myself after those types of people, men or women.

What’s a meaningful piece of advice you have been given, and who gave it to you?
My dad told me “Draw every day” when I was a little kid and I completely took it to heart. And now look at me!

When was the last time you were guilty of judging a woman too quickly?

I can’t remember the last time I made a truly egregious judgment of a woman, but I am very familiar with that passive aggressive dance we ladies get into. I do take time and study people, I take into account body language and attentiveness which helps me try to understand someone before I make an assumption. Where I go wrong is in passing: I make judgments on the fly when I’m walking around and I see a woman who’s very well dressed, very thin and has a general air of “coolness” I’ll think “Screw you!” But then if I actually were made to speak to them I know I would actually like them. I give most everyone the benefit of the doubt unless you actually give me reason to not like you, then...you’d better lock your doors at night.

What frustrates you about the way women treat each other?

The passive ignoring while in the same presence as another woman thing  is inexcusable. It makes my blood boil to be in a group of women and only a few will introduce themselves and there’s that one girl who’s purposely looking away as to not acknowledge, or talking over you as if you don’t exist. There was a notorious ice queen that a lot of my friends were acquainted with and when I saw her around I was completely baffled why anyone enjoyed someone so sour, so pretentious but I tried being friendly anyways. Nothing worked, it was like screaming into the void trying to chat up this person. So I made a point from then on to always introduce myself to her and ask what her name was every single time I saw her, like it was Groundhog Day every time she met me. It sounds kind of diabolical but it drove her crazy and she never forgot who I was after that! She even warmed up to me….just a little.

What do you love about the way women treat each other?
I love the feeling of togetherness we have for each other. I love feeling cared for and caring for the women in my life. I’m a pretty independent person so I think of all of my relationships, especially my female ones as absolute life bonuses. I realize I value thoughtfulness in women and the ones I know or whom I meet will always lend a helpful contact, give great advice or offer an evening together to just sit and chat. That to me means the world, to have that in my life.

“I feel most myself when I’m out in the wild,” said Kirsten Anderson, writer, owner of Roq La Rue Gallery in Seattle’s Pioneer Square, co-owner of nautical themed clothing line Squalor Harbor. I was surprised by this statement. The story I made up about Kirsten, prior to meeting her, was that she was the high brow expression of a low brow art movement – someone who was most at home with fine wine absorbed in volumes of obscure art texts. I’d made her into one dimension based on her day job – because if you are a gallery owner and designer, naturally you wouldn’t want to get your hands dirty. And once again, my assumptions left me with an inadequate view of a multifaceted woman.

“I travel a lot by myself,” Kirsten continued. “And I try to be around wildlife, because I stop thinking about myself, my various social roles  and my future. I become absorbed in the moment.” Kirsten’s fierce love of animals has parlayed itself into ever fiercer philanthropic efforts. Dedicated to supporting both the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust (an elephant and rhino orphanage in Kenya) and the Big Life Foundation (an organization whose efforts seek to stop poaching in East Africa), Kirsten has hosted events in support of several charities, and has commissioned various artists to donate prints to raise funds for her most cherished causes. “I raised a huge amount of money for an elephant in Kenya – and when I handed that check over, it was actually the proudest moment of my life.”

Kirsten is a woman with innumerable angles – alongside every woman I have ever prematurely judged. It’s a continued lesson, to keep an open mind instead of categorizing a person because of the facts you might have about them. Because we’re uncomfortable with the unknown – if someone or something doesn’t fit in a category, it’s somehow construed as a threat. We put people in boxes because we want to define them, and we want to tailor our responses to them. If I am choosing to be a chameleon, whether it’s out of insecurity or self preservation, I have to first define what color you are so I can adjust as such. But limiting someone so quickly does more damage in the end. Kirsten, as well as every single other woman that I have interviewed for Project Girl Crush, serves as a reminder of my quickness to judge, and the worthlessness of that judgment. 

How did you come to do what you do?

I was just kind of drifting around working in an art supply store and I had discovered Juxtapose magazine. I fell in love with what I was looking at and sort of abruptly decided to start a gallery so we could have it in Seattle. A TON of strange synchronicities happened and within two months I was opening a space.

When you’re having a bad day/week/month, how do you harness inspiration and keep creating?

The truth is don’t create during those times. I allow myself to “gather input”. That’s the time I do a lot of walking or observing people or my own reactions more intensely so when it is time to be creative I have a new wellspring of new thought to draw from.

What do you love about yourself?

I lead (what I think is) the coolest, funnest life of anyone I know, and I created that life myself.

What don’t you love about yourself?

I think I can be a bit self involved sometimes. I can be very self critical and doubtful of myself, and when I’m feeling insecure about myself I have less charitable thoughts towards others.

Talk about an instance that made you feel vulnerable:

I have a few of those moments every day. I do now know what I’m doing in certain areas, but I also subscribe to the notion that we are all these fragile beings just trying to figure things out and not get crushed by life. 

Name one woman you have a girl crush on:

Well, SO many. But Dame Daphne Sheldrick… she started the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Kenya that rescues orphaned elephants. She came up with a formula to keep baby elephants alive, not just the milk formula – but the type of love and attention they need to keep from dying from grief. She and her organization are responsible for so much love and good being put back into the world.

What’s a meaningful piece of advice you have been given, and who gave it to you?

I’m not sure it’s “advice”, but my Dad would question ‘Who’s to stop me?’ often, usually when he was parking illegally or something… it was often said sort of jokingly, but it kind of stuck. All the things I’ve accomplished I had no recipe for or background in. Starting a gallery, creating a book, becoming a writer and editor at a national art magazine… I didn’t study or know how to do any of it. I just decided I was going to try and I’d remember those words “Who’s to stop me?”. I even have it tattooed on my arm.

At what age did you feel most uncomfortable in your own skin?

Probably 12. I was a very shy, unhappy girl. I thought I was ugly and completely socially hopeless. I felt like good things, exciting lives were for other people, not me, even though that is what I wanted. I didn’t even like my own name at the time – because I associated it with the girl who got made fun of.

What advice would you share with that former self?

Oh my god, looking back I see I was such a dorkishly cute, true hearted kid. I’d tell that girl that all those nights alone dreaming would forge her into someone thoughtful and deep an that would be such a well to draw from in the future. All those lonely hours spent drawing and looking at art and subcultural weirdness would pay off big time. And that the name she hated would become social currency in certain circles. Unbelievable! 

You’ve met those women who captivate you - that stranger across the room who immediately consumes your thoughts. She causes you to wonder what she's thinking because it appears that she doesn't have a worry in the world. Linnea Gallo is one of those women. As co-owner of Ballard’s The Fat Hen, Linnea runs the front of the house. She has both a warmth and a reserve about her, and she is one of few strangers we have asked on the spot to be featured as a Girl Crush.  There is just something about her; a combination of the ‘I don’t have a worry in the world’ confidence, meets something utterly humble. Often the existence of women like Linnea, someone that InStyle magazine might label ‘effortless’, make me feel ever less so, so Linnea seemed the perfect test to prove that worrilessness is a myth. In fact, it’s not even a word. 

So – tell us about yourself.

I was born and raised here in Seattle. My parents are two wonderful, industrious people who met while working in Alaska in the 70's. My wise mother told me I needed to make the world a more beautiful place. My hard-working father taught me to never feel above a task. If my memory serves me correctly, I spent the majority of my childhood playing outdoors and reading. I was homeschooled for quite a while, which probably explains why I'm such a dork. I attended a great local high school, then I moved to Western Massachusetts to attend an all women's college, one of the Seven Sisters. Attending an all women's college is like soaking until your fingertips become raisin-y in a huge bubble bath of female energy.  It was a powerful experience. Then came a long nomadic period of travel, work, and discovery - NYC, Montevideo, Paris, Berlin, Stockholm, Copenhagen…  each place was a piece in that never-finished puzzle of discovery. I love Charlotte Rampling’s observation that, “to discover what normal means, you have to surf a tide of weirdness.” I eventually ended up back in Seattle with a baby boy and an Italian husband with whom, much to everyone's surprise, I had decided to elope and marry in a Parisian mayor's office. I now have two sons, and they're two rad little humans.   

You opened the Fat Hen at 26 – how did people receive a young, female business owner when you first opened your doors?

I constantly dealt with incredulous reactions to my authority; people often asked who was “really in charge” or questioned my ability based upon my age, gender or appearance. I had to make a very conscious decision early on to not allow that negative energy to take up mental bandwidth. It’s always been helpful to look to my bookshelf. I thumb through those titles and feel gratitude for all the feminists of history whose hard work paved our way. Keeps my personal challenges in perspective.

When do you feel the most yourself? Why?

I feel at peace when my hands are busy. I love busy mornings at work. When the room is full of happily munching guests, the music is playing, the candles are lit, the flowers are fresh, the lights are just right, and I have my awesome team by my side, I feel like everything has aligned.  

When do you feel the least yourself?

When I’m not being useful.

What do you love about yourself?

My determination.

What don’t you love about yourself?

My timidity in an extroverted industry.

Talk about an instance in your life that made you feel the most vulnerable:

Having a baby for me was a very vulnerable experience. Pregnancy felt like a force of nature that simply overtook my body. My body knew precisely what was to be done, and it wasn't exactly asking my rational mind for its input. It was humbling and very cool.

What was it like for you, balancing two small children and opening a new business?

That was a challenging season of my life, but it made me a better, stronger woman. I'm grateful for the growth that resulted from it. At the time, I had a toddler as well as a new baby who woke at least every couple of hours at night. That lack of sleep, coupled with the host of pressures that accompany opening a new business, felt weighty at the time.  I gave myself no choice but to buckle down, work hard, and do the best I could.

What have been some of your biggest challenges as a business owner, and how did you navigate those challenges?

Balancing children and business have been, by far, the greatest challenge of being a business owner. I think every working woman can relate when I say it truly is like having two jobs. Building a great team at work and finding a great nanny at home have been crucial to navigating that challenge. I’m very happy with where we are right now.  

When is the last time you remember feeling incompetent?

Before I had my eldest son, I imagined that nursing a baby would be not unlike a representation in a Renaissance painting: serene, maternal, natural, possibly bathed in ocher tones. I can smile at my naiveté now, but at the time, the experience of realizing this was not so made me feel deeply incompetent.  I struggled to learn to nurse a baby in those first few weeks and field well-meaning but hurtful comments when I had to supplement with formula.  But I was determined to nurse my baby and it took practice and intention to accomplish it.

Name one of your girl crushes and why you are crushin’ on her:

Naming just one is too hard! I am constantly encountering inspiring women here in Seattle: Aran Goyoaga of Cannelle Vanille, Renee Erickson of Sea Creatures, Carolina Silva of Dorothea Ceramics, Chelsea Walker of Slate Coffee, Keli Faw of Drygoods Design... I love interacting with all these whip-smart ladies. They're all industrious, creative women who are busy making Seattle a more beautiful place.

When was the last time you were guilty of judging a woman too quickly?

Probably the last time I left the house. I constantly have to examine the assumptions I make about other women. Our culture is so visual and our presentations of ourselves are so curated. Every day I have to water, like a houseplant, that good habit of looking beyond appearances toward the other’s humanity and intention.

What frustrates you about the way women treat each other?

The competitiveness! It’s easy for all of us to expend far too much energy, whether on social media or in face-to-face interactions, assessing other women. Project Girl Crush is so inspiring because it acknowledges the hard work of fighting that divisive spirit.

What do you love about the way women treat each other?

I love when we are able to rise above the pettiness. That’s when great stuff starts to happen.  

I first met Kassandra Jensen on Instagram - if you can call it meeting. What I knew of her was little, but her life seemed glamorous in the way that a painter / model living in Berlin seems glamorous. For Kassandra, 2014’s fashion month was spent walking in shows in New York, London, Paris, and Milan, doing 3AM fittings with the likes of Celine’s own Phoebe Philo. Recent months were passed in Kassandra’s studio, honing abstract painting skills and making fans like me all starry eyed on social media. Her life appeared so… perfect, so bohemian. I often daydream of a the creative lifestyle Kassandra seemed to be living, waxing poetic about the life of an artist, and I’m left convinced that living such a dream erases self-doubt and insecurity. And as result of all my dreaming, Kassandra found herself on the pedestal of a girl in Seattle, some 6,000 miles away.

And then, last fall, Genevieve and I received an email. Kassandra was writing to us from Berlin, thanking us for our work on Project Girl Crush. “It's been a huge struggle to find balance and feel beautiful... in times of uncertainty,” she wrote, much to my shock. She described the difficulties of being a model, of the toll it can take on mind and body. And she described the anxiety – in detail. While I’ve read the standard insights models might provide into the challenges of the industry (clichés like ‘it’s cut throat’ or the necessity of yoga and self discipline), Kassandra didn’t hold back and try to make her challenges sound pretty. Her descriptions were raw, allowing the life she was leading to, at times, look ugly. She wrote about “the crippling pressure” she felt about having to feel ‘on’ constantly, of her humanness as the “dirty secret I have to keep away from the eyes of fashion.”

I trick myself often, glorifying other women’s lives because elements of them resemble something I want – and what I want is often more superficial than I would like to admit. But leading a life that looks a certain way doesn’t shield us from anything, and Kassandra’s willingness to share her challenges served as yet another necessary reminder. After a needed hiatus from modeling, Kassandra has thrust herself into her artwork, finding recent success in her home of Berlin. With an outlet on her side – painting – she’s finally achieved a balance in her life, one that allows for expression of what she calls an “over active mind”. She’s found fulfillment, so that she doesn’t get caught up in the habits that have once consumed her. “It takes a lot of guts to face the demons we all have in us,” she described. “So I made the choice to face them. To really see the things in myself I wanted to overcome, grow and change. It’s (this) shift I believe that opened me up to painting, sparked the flow creatively and made my connections to others and myself stronger.”

Are you creatively fulfilled by what you do? 

Yes, very fulfilled. I am still not sure how the path of all these new discoveries will carve out and meld together. Being at this point in my life, I feel its still ok for me to be figuring out my way. I keep restarting it seems, and that’s frustrating, but my soul is heading somewhere and I have to trust it. You can’t force success, you have to work hard and allow it to grow naturally. I know my heart and mind will be fulfilled with what I put onto a canvas, which is key. Also, I am finding it creates mental balance. Painting truly exist on its own, it doesn’t matter what I look like when I paint; the result is from something enteral. Nothing else plays into my identity as a painter but what ends up on the canvas. It’s beyond freeing; I’ve never been attached to something so faceless before.

At the same time, I can’t help but feel I’m now on another side of the creative process. When you think of the trickle effect, from the inspiration the designers used for the runway, down to the casting of the models, how photographers wish to transform that, and the world created within the editorials, it can be quite amazing. Most of the time the root of those designers inspirations are art, painters, music and films. Its pretty grand to think one day my work could be at the start of the trickle rather then the result.

Describe one thing that inspires you:  

I am going to cheat and say film. Only because film is an umbrella that covers all I am inspired by. Movies hold music, one of my deepest loves. They hold colors, textures, style, art, and landscape. Film has it all and I can easily get lost in them.

When you’re having a bad day / week / month, how do you harness that inspiration and keep creating?

I just try and feel it. I think sometimes in our culture in the states we are used being told to “buck up and carry on” kind of mentality. It’s not healthy. Sure there are a lot of repressive emotions everywhere, but something I enjoy in Europe is people are less likely to put on the fake smile and say they are “OK” when a bad day has hit them. So I’ve taken a cue from this. Also, considering painting is my form of meditation, this works pretty well. I work through a lot of my bad thoughts, stress and questions onto the canvas. I find if I don’t let myself feel the emotions inside me, they never get processed and exit. You have to have dark to have light. Well, a good meal and a glass of whiskey help too.

When do you feel the most yourself? Why? 

When I am being good to myself, and painting.

When do you feel the least yourself? Why?

When my mind and body are not connected. It’s a deep seeded reflex I had for perhaps most my life. It disconnects me from what my body really needs. When my head isn’t following and listening to my gut, I feel confused and disconnected from my true self.

What do you love about yourself?  

My open, pure heart. I’m far from being perfect in my relationships with others, but I know I give my heart fully and purely to those around me, and it’s something I am proud of.

What don’t you love about yourself and why?

My over-active mind. I know I can harness this as a useful tool, but most times I find myself battling the twisting, overthinking, creating “a mountain out of a mole hole”. I feel I have become more aware of this tendency in the last year and learning to let go, but I have to remind myself often, its just my wheels overworking. It goes with the body-mind connection.

What’s your worst habit?

Not putting myself first, doing things just for pleasing people. It doesn’t work, because if you’re not doing something full heartily, it wont be done right any how, and your cheating yourself and others. Easier said then done.

Describe your greatest professional achievement:

Last January I flew to New York with just a few days notice and started an amazing 5-week adventure of doing fashion week in NY, London, Paris and Milan. There are too many special moments to try and even sum them up here. Aside from the privilege of walking some of my favorite Design houses, Celine, Alexander Wang, Acne, the list goes on. I was deeply proud of myself for the work it took to get through it. Flight after flight, fittings until the wee hours of the morning and call times only an hour or so later. It took a lot of to harness the energy day after day, but it was some of the best moments. The pre-runway buzz is something I can’t compare too much else. It gave me a sense I can really achieve anything.  

Describe your greatest personal achievement:

 I have two, taking the leap to move to Berlin was a huge step that has shifted my whole life. Another and the most current one would be realizing I needed to take a new focus in my life, and that focus was me. Stepping off the fast speeding track I was on, to risk affecting its progress, was terrifying. Yet, it was really important to me to find my own roots within myself, to build that strong foundation. It takes a lot of guts to face the demons we all have in us. I think we get into the habit of leaving places and people behind thinking that’s how to change things, but you can’t get away from yourself. No matter where in the world you go, those habits will reoccur until you learn from them. So I made the choice to face them. To really see the things in myself I wanted to overcome, grow and change. It’s the shift I believe that opened me up to painting, sparked the flow creatively and made my connections to others and myself stronger. I am proud of myself for admitting I needed that journey and following through with it. Not being afraid to take a different path.

Talk about an instance that made you feel vulnerable, unprepared, and/or scared:

I think I am always vulnerable! I don’t think being vulnerable is a negative thing. We compare ourselves to others, thinking if only we could be as strong, or tough, or secure as them. I am trying to find strength in my vulnerability. Owning the wounds I’ve had project me from them in the future, but to pretend they were never there it’s respecting myself in all I’ve overcome. Of course I don’t want to be a weeping wound, but admitting to myself that I am a sensitive, raw human gives me the power to control it, to not let others get under my skin in such a negative way and it releases me of what others project or reflect on me so much.

How did you made it through that time?

To get to this point of letting go, I spent a lot of time in a bodywork therapy called Grinberg, which is truly amazing! Also, just believing I would get through it. Hard times just don’t happen once in a lifetime and I’ve been through them a few times before, just trust it will pass helps. 

Describe a time when you felt incompetent:

Whenever I start to compare myself to others. I feel its something I am hugely overcoming, and naturally have stopped doing so much. But, sadly it’s too easy for us in this day and age. I even see people who I find so talented and breathtaking doing the same thing. We need to begin to look at ourselves for the strengths we have, celebrate others strength and put less pressure on ourselves to be talented at everything.

Name one person you admire and why:

I deeply admire my friend Kelly Tivnan. She is a Seattle native actually, but I met her in Berlin. She has been living there for years and what she has created is astonishing. Out of her love for wood, building and creating, she has created a whole world and business from scratch. She somehow translates her warm energy into her woodwork and its beautiful to see everyone take notice. She transforms spaces into inspiring atmospheres: studios, living spaces, lamps; nothing she can’t do, and thanks to her I have my dream kitchen! She is also one of the kindest hearted, gentle woman I have ever met and so proud of her!

Name one woman you have a girl crush on:

I will have a forever crush on Helen Frankenthaler. She was an abstract painter in New York in the 1950 and 60s. Her career reached well until her passing, but it was this time frame in which she was one of the only females making a strong imprint on the art world. She was right there with the boys of that time, and she did it her own way. Not following any technical rules, her colors and the emotions she evokes are stunning! She also had some great style going on even when covered in paint! 

At what age did you feel most vulnerable/uncomfortable in your skin, and why?  

Body image has been a reoccurring issue for me since a young age; it’s not something I can pinpoint to an exact age. What I can say that it has so much to do with where you are in your mind and heart. There are times I have been the “perfect” size and still didn’t feel good enough. If you are not being true to your desires and who you are, that is a very uncomfortable feeling.

What advice would you share with that former self?

That is really does get better with age, and to not be such in a rush to grow up. Just let go, so much time I have wasted being paralyzed by fear.  

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, a drawing… however you choose to express yourself.

 "There is a crack in everything, 

That's how the light gets it."

-Leonard Cohen

Ok-super-quickly-without-hesitating-write-down-the-first-five-words-that-come-into-your-mind. 

Breathe, it will all pass. 

Hilary Folks is a fashion stylist. She is roughly a thousand feet tall, and has flaming red hair. She is perpetually dressed with the utmost intention (she’s a stylist, remember?). Hilary is a woman who embodies every member of TLC and the Spice Girls at once: sexy, wild, goofy, cool… you get the picture. So often, I stop myself from getting to know a woman like Hilary because I allow myself to feel intimated by her awesomeness, rather than inspired. In doing so, I inevitably end up creating distance between myself and someone I admire. It’s those snap judgments I make – we make – that alienate so many women from one another. She’s too pretty/funny/smart/stylish/talented, she couldn’t possibly be nice as well (let alone, human and vulnerable). But more often than not, those judgments are based on little more than our own insecurities, our own longing to be more like that person we admire. And it’s strangely counterproductive to both covet someone and keep her at arm’s length. Hilary made me question why I so easily get caught up in my own head, and allow myself to create a story about someone I don’t even know. Why I create a persona, react to that persona, and subsequently distance myself from the individual who has nothing to do with the story that I created in the first place. So now, Hilary serves as a reminder to squash that little voice inside who tells me I need to rehearse my opening line when approaching that person I greatly respect, to sculpt the way I present myself. She was chosen as a feature because while she is all of those intimidation-inducing things, and she is also the girl who you’ll probably drink a little too much beer with and wind up at Lost Lake sharing Mac ‘n Cheese, tater tots, and fried chicken. She’s proof that a whole lot of cool shouldn’t be placed on a pedestal.

What do you do for a living, and how did you find yourself there?

I’m a fashion stylist, a cool hunter, a creator of characters. I fell into styling as a favor to a super rad producer girlfriend in LA, and found that not only did I love it, but I was pretty ok at it too, I had a super supportive partner at the time that kept the home fires burning while I discovered my passion and turned it into my career, and to him I’m eternally grateful.

More importantly, what do you do that you love, and how did you find yourself there?

I love my job, it’s fun it’s rewarding, and it’s tangible, I can see my accomplishments and progress in my career, but what I love most about it is creating an idea, an image of a person, creating a human character based on people I’ve seen in real life.

What inspires you to get up in the morning/stay up late into the night?

Coffee, sunlight, my dog, and the world outside my door… My friends would say I need to work on being still, being quiet, finding joy in solitude, but I’ve always thrived on human interaction so I wake up each day to be with people.  The first thing I do is go to my neighborhood coffee shop to be surrounded by life.  I talk to everyone, and every dog. The only time I stay up late is when I’m engrossed in updating my music catalog over a glass of red wine. Even then I’m in bed by 1. I’m a total morning person.
 
How and where do you find inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life?

You know what I really really really love? The old pictures you find in antique stores. I find it strange that people discard their history like that. I have a huge collection of other people’s family photos. I very clearly don’t style people like those photographs, but I daydream about the people in the photos pretty heartily.

Do you have a specific space that helps you feel inspired? What does it look and feel like?

As much as I love my home and strive to make it my haven, I’m very rarely there. I spend the majority of my time on the street. Watching people. In a totally non-creepy way.

Who do you have a girl crush on (you don’t have to know her, she doesn’t even have to be alive)?

Maureen Doreen Cambridge, I met her through my ex and she’s amazing in more ways than I have dance moves. She’s a clothing designer by trade, but is an artist by nature, an art lover, a knower of all things awesome, and all things not awesome, she’s so funny I can barely stand it, incredibly loyal, and smart, and snarky, and shockingly beautiful in a super badass kinda way.

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

“Always wipe front to back” and “don’t be afraid” (which have everything and nothing to do with one another).

What do you love most about being a woman?

Getting a bikini wax.  It’s really just the very best feeling in the world.

What challenges have you encountered in your life that are linked to your gender?

I’m loud, outspoken, and tall, I feel like nothing about me is supposed to be “allowed” from a woman. I frequently feel that WHO I naturally am is not deemed “natural” for a woman at all.  I’m not alone in this feeling however, in that all of the women I surround myself with are fairly strong independent women, thus we’re often in a power struggle with our male counterparts…Let me be clear, there will be no fainting daisies allowed in my friend circles.

Ok-super-quickly-without-hesitating-write-down-the-first-five-words-that-come-into-your-mind.

Take me with you, I’m desperate. 
 
Wow that seemed very deeply rooted in something, I’m not going to change those 5 words to something less scary but I’m sure going to have a good “think” about them later tonight.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

First the tide rushes in
Plants a kiss on the shore
Then it rolls out to sea
And the sea is very still once more.
 
Do you have a website or blog that you would like to share?

www.hilaryfolks.com

Ria Leigh played an imperative role in the foundation of Project Girl Crush. I first saw her a few years ago around Seattle’s Capitol Hill, where she co-owned a wonderfully curated vintage shop called Kaleidoscope Vision. One specific day, clad in a denim onesie, black beanie, red lips, and long black hair hanging in a braid, she held a toddler on her hip. Her daughter, Ari, fussed as children will, and Ria’s composure and grace amidst chaos struck me as hypnotic. I had never spoken to this woman, but I was so utterly taken by her I fumbled to understand my own reaction. Because I’ve always considered myself a ‘straight’ woman with a fierce attraction to men, moments like these forced me to grapple with my own understanding of sexuality. While I believe sexuality absolutely exists on a spectrum, and we all oscillate and exist between the polarities, I couldn’t quite identity my fascination with this creature. It wasn’t sexual in nature, yet it felt primal. It was indeed about her gender, her ‘female-ness’, but not necessarily her ‘femininity’. It was about her beauty, but it felt more emotional. Encountering Ria and, subsequently, coming to her, has helped uncover a more precise understanding of that infatuation. I was finally forced to name it, this ‘girl crush’.

I’ve said many times that PGC was founded with many notions at play, and Ria was a major factor. She epitomizes elegance and understated self-confidence. She lives her own life in reverence of beauty; worshipping, collecting, and sculpting it. When I had the opportunity to visit her in her home in the Los Feliz neighborhood of LA, I was once again overtaken by her appreciation of the profundity of aesthetic harmony.

“How we construct our world and our visual and tactile experience is so infinitely interesting to me. I love that by making a piece of pottery or a quilt, I am actively creating an experience, and in some small way impacting the way someone else views our world.”

Ria defines the importance of art of all forms, and acts as a supreme reminder to me why immersing myself in beauty is so essential. Allow me to get more honest here—the last three weeks have been rough for me. Really rough. I very consciously chose to feature Ria this week (after some PGC-free time) because she will continue to act as an embodiment and a reminder of the depth and need for aesthetic harmony. And it was this prompt that forced me to recall this project’s absolute necessity to me, as it too acts as a reminder of the beauty that exists in the world.

Where are you from, and how did you make your way to where you are now?

I’m not really from anywhere, at least in the traditional sense. I was born in Indonesia, raised in California, spent some time in Washington and now live in Los Angeles. I’ve ended up here in my search for a place that feels like home. So far it feels pretty good, don’t think I could complain about living in year round sunshine for the rest of my life, but we’ll see how the journey unfolds.   

What do you do for a living, and how did you find yourself there?

I make things, I collect things, and then I sell some of those things to get money to buy other things, and eat tasty things, and generally perpetuate the cycle. Specifically, I make functional ceramic items & quilts and I collect antique ephemera and vintage clothing. I’ve been a maker and a collector in one way or another for as long as I’ve been an autonomous being.

My mother is a ceramic artist and her mother (my grandmother) was a dedicated quilter, so those two particular crafts are definitely in my blood.

More importantly, what do you do that you love?

I love design. All of it. Good design, bad design, naive design, kitsch design, fashion design, product design, print design, graphic design, architectural design, furniture design, ancient design, cultural design. I love to look at it, I love to research it, I love to discuss it and I love to do it.  

What inspires you to get up in the morning?

My daughter Ari. She more than inspires me, she physically forces me to get up…I mean literally, she sometimes pulls me out of bed and demands her “flat eggs” & milk. But really, I’m inspired to get up and be an active and creative human because of her. I want to continue this matrilineal tradition of making and I want her to know that with self-confidence, effort and determination, she can make her vision of the world a reality.

How and where do you find inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life? 

I find inspiration in so many places, but I particularly love looking through old books, magazines and auction catalogs. One of my favorite feelings is finding a little thread of new intriguing information, and pulling at it and finding it connected to other things that have captured my attention before. That continuity and connectivity is so reassuring to me, I’m comforted and inspired by the idea of these “energy trails”.

What challenges have you met in chasing that inspiration?

I find it a challenge to work off an inspiration or an idea and attempt to re-imagine it and make it new, make it my own. I strive for my work to be informed by my inspirations without being too referential or blatantly derivative.  

Then comes the question of purpose and function, I am really focused on creating things that are useful and needed and I am often challenged when it comes to translating my creative concepts into a functional design. There are so many intricacies when it comes to successful functional design, the way the product feels, its weight, its ease of use, its durability, the way it relates to other items, all of these factors have to be considered and in this consideration the original creative idea is sometimes compromised. 

But I find all of these challenges to be fun, they keep my mind working.

Do you have a specific space that helps you feel inspired? What does it look and feel like?

I’ve kind of recently realized that I’m most comfortable, focused, and productive when I’m working alone. Solitude I think is more important for me than a particular space. I’m adaptable; I can manipulate my space to make it work. Like right now for instance, I’m doing most of my ceramic work out of my kitchen, I have a membership to a ceramic studio and I take my pieces there to be fired but rarely ever go there to get work done, even though there is more space and better tools and resources. I find that when I’m trying to work around other people I just get distracted and way too self-aware to be able to be really productive, for me the process of making is really intimate and requires a certain amount of privacy.

Who do you have a girl crush on (you don’t have to know her, she doesn’t even have to be alive)?

Eartha Kitt!

If you had the opportunity to ask her anything, what would it be?

I would ask her to be my Sensei

Who/what is your “spirit animal”?

I am a Capricorn and have always been connected to the animal associated with my sign, the goat. As a somewhat solitary animal and a climber, it speaks to me as a symbol of independence, perseverance and a reminder to try and look at life from a higher perspective. 

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

The Artist Louise Bourgeois said (in a documentary I believe):

“I am not what I am, I am what I do with my hands.”

Who is the person in your life that helps fuel love and creativity, and how does he or she do so?

I am very grateful to have a lot of people that support me and fuel my passions. Aside from my family, the two people that fuel my creativity most are my friends Laura Cassidy (you guys know her!) and Ryan Tacata (www.ryantacata.com). They are both extremely talented and creative people in their own rights and I really respect and admire both of their work. Whenever I need constructive advise about a project or a different perspective on the world I turn to them. Their friendship and support is invaluable to me.

What do you have in your pockets right now?

Nars Jungle Red Lipstick, Som Muor Smelling Salts, beads my daughter left on the floor (booby-traps I swear) and little lists/notes to myself written on Origami paper.

What do you love most about being a woman?

I love the dual power of strength and softness that we possess as women and I love being a mother.

What challenges have you encountered in your life that are linked to your gender?

I think women face far more judgment then men. We are critiqued and scrutinized and expected to look and behave in very specific and often contradictory ways.

Do you consider yourself a feminist, and how do you define what that means?

Absolutely! I think that being a feminist simply means understanding the power of femininity and seeing that a combination of feminine and masculine energy exists within everyone and everything to varying degrees. Femininity and Masculinity exist beyond the biology of the sexes, men can have feminine energy and women can have masculine energy. One is not better than the other; they are essential polarities and are equal in the cosmic scheme of things. Yin-Yang and all that.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

“I promise to make you more alive than you’ve ever been. 
For the first time you’ll see your pores opening 
like the gills of a fish and you’ll hear 
the noise of blood in galleries 
and feel light gliding on your corneas 
like the dragging of a dress across the floor. 
For the first time, you’ll note gravity’s prick 
like a thorn in your heal, 
and your shoulder blades will hurt from the imperative of wings. 
I promise to make you so alive that 
the fall of dust on furniture will deafen you, 
and you’ll feel your eyebrows like two wounds forming 
and your memories will seem to begin 
with the creation of the world.”

Ordeal by Nina Cassian

Do you have a website or blog that you would like to share?

Ria-leigh.com

When Genevieve, my partner and photographer Project Girl Crush, first suggested we profile Hayley Young, Gen was hesitant. She described a profligate woman with wild hair, a successful Seattle photographer who practically brought stars to her eyes. Hayley, for Gen, is person who signifies both intrigue and intimidation, making her the ideal PGC candidate (because what is this project for if not to broach the imaginary barriers we too often tend to create?). Of course, when we sat down with Hayley for the interview, the intimidation melted away instantaneously. Perhaps it was the (multiple) bottles of white wine, but we were never short on conversation.

Hayley’s forthrightness about her personal and professional journey was both refreshing and encouraging. She described how she launched herself into photography young without any formal training and didn’t consider the necessity of the more technical aspects of the craft. She describes a girl who was boastful about her own work, and claims to have possessed an arrogance she is now humbled by. Hayley isn’t very proud of the work she produced during that period of time (a rarity from such a self-assured woman who now owns her own creative talent).  

Now, she recognizes the necessity of vulnerability in her work, even when it’s painful. She understands that this is the way good work is shaped, even though the process is uncomfortable and revealing.  Hayley also understands that she wouldn’t be honoring herself is she didn’t get to that humbling point, and describes the thought of not expressing herself through art as “literally going against a truth that is just there. And thank God for (that truth) because it’s what is going to keep fucking Honey Boo Boo from taking over the world.”

When Hayley made the decision to take her work seriously, she put her camera down for a year. She decided to reshape her approach and go back to school, choosing Seattle Central’s Commercial Photo Program after she was encouraged to endure the lengthy, year long waitlist.  When she finally began the program, she describes long hours of holding down a job and going to school, of utilizing the studio at all hours whenever it was available. Her dedication to school and to work incites envy—it’s not the kind of approach the average college student would have because it’s not the kind of journey most college students have undergone.  After graduating at the top of her class, Hayley said she not only honed her skills, but she learned to “be inspired by the people who are trying and not be distracted by the people who aren’t.”

Hayley is vibrant and lighthearted, and she wears her passions on her sleeve. She now intertwines her love and talent for photography with her lifelong obsession with music. She’s toured with some of her favorite artists and watched side stage as they’ve played to tens of thousands. But Hayley also underscores the importance of not rushing through the tougher times, recognizing how integral some of the more mundane times are to shape a person’s work. “(We) want to be in a rush to be exactly where we want to be, and when you get there, you might not know what to do with yourself.  I’m completely ecstatic that ten years of confusion have led me to… I learned that we need to do your art but also have your life. And let the two of those concepts work with each other.”

Where are you from, and how did you make your way to where you are now?

I was born in Southern Oregon and raised in a small town off I5 called Talent, OR.

Came to visit Seattle for the summer in 2003 and after much debate, decided my senior year of college was worth waiting for. Got a job waiting tables and began the process of getting Washington State residency.

What do you do for a living, and how did you find yourself there?

My day-career is Photo Editor and Staff Photographer for Seattle Magazine and Seattle Business Magazine. Also do work with a handful of bride publications in Portland and LA. Began my own freelance business in 2007 which I’ve been developing on the side as well. I found myself here by picking up a camera when I was three years deep into a fine art degree and struggling with my ability to actually draw/paint. From there I did about 6 years of soul searching only to find I really knew nothing about photographic technique/lighting. That humbling experience led me to Seattle Central’s Commercial Photo Program where I attended 2007-2009. My focus on editorial work led me to interning and ultimately working as photo editor for SOUND magazine, a now defunct music publication. My experience there led to Seattle Magazine reaching out with the position I’ve held now for almost 5 years. Crazy.

More importantly, what do you do that you love, and how did you find yourself there?

Throughout all of this, I’ve been keeping a hand on my music photography pot, working with and keeping tabs on some of my favorite bands, I’ve found myself touring, shooting album art, press photos and directing music videos while not knees deep in the mags. At 7 years old I was fascinated by music and the artists I saw on television and heard on the radio. Always knew I wasn’t going to be an actual musician, but their effect on my creative process has always been substantial. They’re my muses. Illustrating them in the photographic sense is the perfect challenge for my creative process. Also, I love the relationships that grow from those collaborations. They’ve led me to amazing life experiences and new friendships beyond Seattle.

What inspires you to get up in the morning/stay up late into the night?

I’m inspired by the tasks I have scheduled throughout the day and the events I get to look forward to at night. My day life is never boring. I may be shooting pancakes at 10am, then in the executive offices of Expedia photographing their CEO. Being an editorial portrait photographer, I get to experience a range of people that I never would in any other position. There is a sense of vulnerability that photography creates in a subject, and it is my responsibility to ease them through it. It is a truly awesome way to interact with someone. I feel so lucky to get to have these interactions on a semi-daily basis. It’s awesome. In the evenings, I can often be found at a venue, seeing live shows, connecting with my music contacts and spending time with the amazing people I’ve met and been fortunate to call friends.

How and where do you find inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life?

I am shamelessly fueled by tangible successes. The inspiration to create them comes from the universal force of creativity and it’s elusive demands and standards. I love that there is an overall leveling power of art and how it can crush or exult you, whether or not anyone else is watching. This isn’t to say I’m out creating all day, but I’m definitely reacting, reviewing, reflecting and collecting feelings, thoughts, images of the daily which then, in turn, affect and inspire the actions of doing when that time comes.

What challenges have you met in chasing that inspiration?

Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, with less time or mind space for doing whatever that is in full force. I fear mediocrity in the quantity vs. quality debate. Keeping myself in check and making sure I balance what is a technical skill vs. a career building exercise without sacrificing too much of what I deem to be socially and emotionally beneficial is always going to be a challenge.

Do you have a specific space that helps you feel inspired? What does it look and feel like?

Sitting alone in a loud bar or coffee shop. White noise, background music, movement, getting lost in all of it. It helps me focus.

Who do you have a girl crush on (you don’t have to know her, she doesn’t even have to be alive)?

SO MANY GIRL CRUSHES. Stacey Rozich, Kaylee Cole, Connie Aramaki, Hilary Folks, Linda Derschang, Leigh Bezezekoff, Annie Leibovitz, Jennifer Lawrence, I’m forgetting like, 100.

If you had the opportunity to ask her anything, what would it be?

Luckily most of these women are close to me and I’ve been able to have amazing conversations with them. Annie, however, I would love to ask her a million questions. I can’t articulate what those would be though. But there would be a lot of them.

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

“No matter what you do, you’re going to do it for the rest of you life until you die, so you better fucking love it.” – My mother.

What are you listening to on your ipod/car stereo/transistor radio right now?

My 2006 Mazda came only equipped with a 6 disc CD changer (no aux) so the 6 CDs I’m rocking now are:

 Portugal. The Man, Pure Bathing Culture, Alt J, Cat Power, The Mars Volta and Junip

What book have you read in the last year that you love?

“We Learn Nothing (Essays)” by Tim Kreider. I might be in love with that man.

Who is the person in your life that helps fuel love and creativity, and how does he or she do so?

My best friend in second grade, her mother (who I assigned as my own God Mother) Peggy Jones. She was a single mother, play write, carpenter, and my favorite person to tell stories to. She’s been in my life ever since, her house is still down the road from my childhood home in Talent. She bought it in it’s horrible condition when I was 7, and has been restoring it my entire life. It’s current state is euphoric. She is amazing and the energy of that home is palatable.

What do you love most about being a woman?

I’ve always felt androgynous growing up as a kid. I was raised with two brothers so I fell into a tom boy role early. Growing into a woman was really foreign for me. I guess what I’ve come to appreciate about it is the sensual power of the female presence (not to be confused with sexual, but there is a special energy that being a woman adds to my day to day interactions) and the shock effect of surprising a situation by breaking past the lines of what is typically expected of me because I am female.

What challenges have you encountered in your life that are linked to your gender?

I’m pretty sure I’ve lost jobs to other photographers that were men because of the demanded directorial role involved. Otherwise, the challenges that could exist are usually relieved within a few minutes of interacting with them.

Do you consider yourself a feminist, and how do you define what that means?

I don’t know if I need to be a feminist these days. I feel like my mother and her generation get to have that title. I feel like I get to walk through the path they created as naturally and genuinely as possible, without waving any sort of flag. I think that’s what the whole feminist movement was meant to do, create a space for me to not have to remind people I am a woman before I show them what I can do. Anyone who wants or needs to put me in that box can do so, I just don’t have much room for it in my own mind.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

“Do your best to decorate this dying day” –Shannon Hoon. Was a huge Blind Melon fan in adolescence. This was the quote I put in my senior high school yearbook.

Do you have a website or blog that you would like to share?

Hayley-young.com

Emma Sargeant is a woman who wears her scars proudly, as trophies. Someone who, in her twentysomething years, has lived more lives than I can count. She speaks openly about a difficult childhood that took her from Seattle to England to upstate New York and back to Seattle. About her family's move to the English countryside Emma describes: “We moved homeless and jobless, so we were coach surfing across the country." Immersing herself in her first love, dance, the 12 year old worked in flower shops and in horse stables to maintain her riding habit. After some time, the family moved back to the states, landing in upstate New York in the dead of winter to live in a hotel room. Deciding that she needed to finish her education, Emma headed back to England to enroll in school, and, at 18, found herself living alone in Norfolk, working at a department store and in a bar to make ends meet. Eventually, however, it was back to Seattle where she worked odd jobs and began to hone her artistic skills once again. Having suffered countless hamstring injuries from her dance history, she found her outlet in painting, which proved helpful on the occasions she found herself without a stable income. “I would sometimes sell paintings to pay rent. I had to hustle!” she laughed as she described this time. “I even started to do a little panhandling – but really gracefully!” she giggled.

Emma is an enigma. She’s one of those beautiful, artistic women who inspires me to claim myself a starving artist and give up the comforts of my life in pursuit of passion. It’s romantic, sure, but something that can only be sought when true, unyielding passion exists. It’s easy to glorify this quest, allowing oneself to get caught up in what it looks like. But it’s quite another thing to actually understand what it means to live that life, to go beyond the romanticized version and actually live is sporadic discomfort.  To be scared, to be vulnerable, and to embrace the choice because that’s the only way to support passion. It’s the only way to just do what you know you have to do. And Emma is that artist. Someone who can easily allow her inner recluse to reign, to spend hours on end with brush in hand. But she is also the artist who makes life happen around her, who doesn’t just respond to circumstance and allow it to dictate who she is.  

How did you come to do what you do?

I was originally groomed to be a professional dancer. I studied classical ballet and modern intensely in London and unfortunately injured my hamstring too many times and fell ill which limited my physical ability to perform at maximum capacity. It was very difficult to accept. Valuing the importance of creative expression, I started to paint. I was never formally trained at school, my teacher, who was a fiery welshman, either loved his students’ work or would throw a chair and advise the less successful student to reconsider their path. He liked my work, perhaps because it was a bit dark, and he gave me full access to the studio and allowed me to play with all materials available. When I moved to Seattle, I continued to paint, mostly portraits of old men and martyrs as I was exploring how life’s challenges shaped [by] facial expressions. I have always loved people and learning their history. Every experience changes how people grow and react and with painting, I have aimed at connecting the ingenuity of a person’s being with the viewer, especially as technology has rapidly developed and desensitizing the primal language of human nature.

Do you feel fulfilled by your work?

I am extremely fulfilled by what I do. I am confident that my work is a positive contribution to the world. My objective in my art has always been the urgency to have humans connect and not deny their hearts of feeling as I am afraid that we are pushed too far to survive and succeed without enjoying [the] simplicity of being alive. Some of my work focuses on social issues like sexual assault and bodies being taken for granted. Those pieces are more personal as I purge a lot of pain, but it also creates awareness of the effects of being violated. I have been lucky to sell my paintings at times of financial hardship as a way to survive. I don’t focus on making sellable work anymore as it compromises the integrity, I have also become picky in regards to where my work goes as I want its message to be valued. Often I give work away so fine art can be accessible to everyone, painting is falling weak with competition from digital film, photography, and more stimulating mediums.

Where else do you derive creative/emotional/intellectual fulfillment?

Almost everything! I love to read about history, philosophy and art. At the moment I am reading the ‘Tropic of Cancer’ which has inspired a set of recent paintings. ‘The World Before 1945’ has affected my take on war and the regret of the atomic bomb. I shouldn’t read the news, but I do. It’s important to be aware of the current events and the different perspectives to remember how fleeting life is. Music always influences my mood and inspires the way I look at my surroundings. I love people. I adore those who are aware of what they value, people who share their passions and embrace their strengths and weaknesses. The strongest people are those who are humble and can forgive. I have often spent time with people who’ve had qualities I admired and wanted to be like.

Being by the sea and in a field is my ultimate fulfillment.  I was raised in the countryside in England and the most beautiful and inspiring thing is to watch the seasons change, colors and smells, rotating crops in the fields. Sitting by the ocean feels like I have come home. The sea holds so much life, constantly washing life to shore and washing it back, eternally moving. Take me to the sea and I feel whole again!

What do you do for a living?

A “starving artist.” My passion to create visual messages with a variety of media like paint, oil pastel, collage, and whatever I have access to. To supplement my art, I get crafty with resourcing material and have been working at cafes and restaurants. I enjoy the flexibility and interactions with a variety of people, observing social habits, and working with my hands in high-volume settings. I used to be an optician which was a challenging job but the monotony of working with insurance companies and the 9-5 schedule was difficult to accommodate the time and energy to explore my art. I’d rather be a bit hungry and feel free to create.

Name one instance that made you feel vulnerable, unprepared, and/or scared:

Losing everything and going somewhere unknown without a plan, money, or anyone I knew.

What helped you navigate that challenge?

Remembering what I live for. Remembering my values. Remembering I am lucky to be alive. I know myself and know what I am capable of. Take one day at a time because the past can never be changed and the future is unseen.

Name one thing that inspires you:

The goodness in people.

How do you maintain that feeling when that source of inspiration is not readily available to you?

I write letters to friends, look at old pictures of people I don’t know, watch ‘Barefoot in the Park’ with Jane Fonda and Robert Redford. I seek for something to make my heart melt. Sweet old men eating lunch by themselves with their big, hungry eyes that make them look like little boys will always melt my heart.

Who do you have a girl crush on? Why?

Jane Fonda. She’s smart, witty, talented, healthy, caring, and a fox.

 Who are you intimidated by? Why?

Amazon Drones because they would be denying the virtue of patience and thus compromise human nature. Anti-social technology and instant-gratification enhances entitlement and the “redundancy” to interact with anyone.

What’s a meaningful piece of advice you have been given, and who gave it to you?

The only person you can rely on is yourself. My ma told me that. She also said, “What happens to shy people? Nothing! You reap what you sow.”

At what age did you feel most vulnerable, and why?

I don’t think a particular age has been the most vulnerable, I’d consider myself as pretty strong but there have been unfortunate situations that have been unsafe or emotionally challenging and I didn’t have enough tools to cope with them or a good support network or I was too naive and trusting.

What advice would you share with that former self?

Nothing, my former self would benefit from the character building.

How do you see your life 30 years from now?

Living by the sea, painting, and tasting the salt in the air!

What steps are you taking currently to achieve that vision of your future?

Being the best person I can be, painting and drawing as much as I can, learning from as many books I can read and letting go of things and people and fears that hold me back.

I had already had my eye on Seattle director Megan Griffiths as a future girl crush when we met a few weeks ago. I didn’t know her, but felt as though I did, simply from the films she had worked on: often set in Seattle, often influenced by music and love and rain. I even remember, months ago, when Megan ‘liked’ Project Girl Crush on Facebook. Squeal! I screen captured it with glee.

It was at a screening for her newest feature, ‘Lucky Them’, that I mustered the courage to ask Megan to be profiled. I was nervous, even throughout the duration of the film, to approach a woman I didn’t know but for an introduction that evening. As the film neared its end, my trepidation mounted. But in one of the final scenes of the movie, the main character (played by Toni Collette) references her character’s personal struggle and declares: “embrace the defect”. Chills ensued as I scanned the room for PGC photographer Genevieve, and we locked eyes, grinning. The line was almost identical to our tagline, and the intention of Project Girl Crush, and it had just been spoken onscreen. ‘Embrace the flaw’ has guided this project to where it is today, and I knew without doubt that Megan was our next feature.

As someone who has always found it challenging to determine what I want to be when I grow up, I’m continually impressed by people who identify and pursue their passion early on. As Megan explains it, her foray into film began early, and blossomed in her twenties: “Despite my mom’s claim that I declared that I wanted to be an “independent filmmaker” when I was eight, I don’t think the idea ever really occurred to me as an actual possibility until mid-way through my undergraduate degree.” And, upon graduating from the Ohio University School of Film, Megan “asked a friend who was visiting Seattle to tear the “film” page out of the phone book here and send it to me (by mail—so old school), and I proceeded to send resumes to every company listed.” After getting a position with the now defunct Alpha Cine Lab, Megan “packed my car with all my stuff, drove to Seattle, and set about trying to burrow my way into this film community that I’ve since come to think of as my natural habitat.”

I think the key to Megan is that she does understand exactly what she wants, and goes for it without hesitation. From my perspective she has achieved incredible success, with four features under her belt as director, and countless other films where she has served as first assistant director, producer, writer, and more.  But it’s easy for me to glorify a woman who has spent so many years following her heart (a mantra she has eternally etched on her ankle).  So it’s important to remember, that someone with Megan’s dedication, determination, and raw talent, has put in the work. She has struggled at times. She has doubted herself. She has felt incompetent, underprepared, hopeless. Her movie THE OFF HOURS took over seven years to come to fruition. She has been on sets were the crew has walked off in the middle of filming. And yet she has kept on going. She has recognized that challenge is a part of the process, and has not let obstacles inhibit her success. This is what we need to remember when we get laid off, when we run out of the office crying, when we get an abysmal review. We need to recall that difficulty is necessary, and someone like Megan serves as an example of what it means to persevere in the face of the thing you love. 

Are you creatively fulfilled by what you do?

I love what I do and feel incredibly lucky to be able to do it. Before I was directing, I spent a decade working on the crew side of the business. I learned a huge amount in those years, but I was always yearning to be more fulfilled on a creative level. As a director you are required to think about both big picture and small details simultaneously, which can be either completely crazy-making or incredibly energizing. For me it’s almost always the latter. I never feel as fully engaged anywhere else as I do on set.

When you’re not feeling incredibly inspired, how do you conjure that feeling? By this, I mean: sometimes, when I’ve had a bad day, the last thing I want to do write.  What would motivate you to get your proverbial butt in the desk chair?

This last year has been a big writing year for me—I just completed my third screenplay since January. As a highly undisciplined writer and chronic guilt-sufferer, I’ve been wrestling this year more than most with the concept of what it means to be productive. What I’ve been realizing is that I always experience this conflict when I’m writing, but at the end of the day, I get things done. So, I’ve been trying to embrace the idea that procrastination is a part of the process. The project at hand is still swirling around in there while I’m out walking or doing the dishes, or when I’m ingesting other media (even if those things are not of particularly noble quality). In fact, those things are feeding my mind in their own way and allowing different parts of my brain to light up and tapping into things that may eventually wind up working themselves into the writing that I will do. All that justification aside, I’ll add that I also think deadlines are crucial—for me anyway. I need to set attainable goals for my work and adhere to them or I don’t think I’d ever actually end up delivering anything.

When do you feel the most yourself? Why?

When I am surrounded by friends and loved ones. They make me the best version of myself.

When do you feel the least yourself? Why?

When I am in a new environment where I know no one. I have always had a very difficult time feeling comfortable immediately around strangers.

What do you love about yourself?

I think I’m really good at looking at the world through multiple perspectives without judgment. It informs my filmmaking because it helps me to be more empathetic towards a wide variety of characters, and it enhances my life because it makes me a better friend.

What don’t you love about yourself and why?

I am probably too calculated. I don’t take a lot of risks without really weighing the situation and I think I sometimes miss opportunities because I worry about being too vulnerable.

Describe your greatest professional achievement, and remember that this does not have to be a traditional accolade. Just something that you have done that makes you feel proud of yourself.

I think I am most proud of the way that my film THE OFF HOURS was made. My producers (Lacey Leavitt, Mischa Jakupcak, Joy Saez) and I spent many years trying to pull the film together in a more traditional way with name actors and a million dollar budget, but it ultimately happened when we let go of our ideal version and embraced a different approach. We decided to stop desperately seeking money and start acknowledging the resources we already had, such as talented friends, a supportive community, and good old-fashioned scrappiness. Once we made that switch everything just seemed to fall into place and this amazing production arose from all these small, unassuming, lovingly curated bits and pieces. The film was fully formed through the generosity of an entire community and I think that shows through in the end result.

Talk about one instance that made you feel vulnerable, unprepared, and/or scared:

Every time I start a new job. Every single time. It takes me a while to find my comfort level in new situations, so I always have to go through a few weeks of uncertainty before I feel like I can find my footing.

How did you make it through that time?

I’m a big believer in the “fake it ‘til you make it” approach to uncomfortable scenarios. I don’t really consider myself a good actor, but I’ve been able to master the art of appearing calm even when I’m decidedly not. In the film world, indecisiveness and timidity get you nowhere and no one cares if you’re naturally shy. You have to have a vision and you have to be able to communicate that vision efficiently and effectively, so finding a way to get past your own discomfort is part of the gig.

Describe a time when you felt incompetent:

I spent five years working as a first assistant director, who is basically the person who runs the set and makes sure the film gets made on schedule. Most people who do that job either work their way up through that department or they train through the director’s guild, but I didn’t do either. I got asked to fill the role on a friend’s film in Pennsylvania, then came back to Seattle and observed that there weren’t many people willing to do that particular job on the independent level (which makes sense because it’s a tough and pretty thankless line of work which, when you aren’t getting paid anything, becomes hard to justify). Anyway, I learned the job on my feet and that approach led to a great number of very humbling experiences. The worst was when I was working on a set in Spokane with a crew I didn’t know very well and we were preparing to do a driving scene on what’s called a “process trailer” (which is when the actors are in a car mounted on a trailer and towed by another vehicle so they don’t have to drive and act at the same time). As we started setting up for the first shot, a few members of the crew confronted me (publicly and loudly) and asked if I’d ever done a proper process trailer shoot before. Painful as it was, I had to admit that I hadn’t, at which point they refused to continue working. It took a long conversation with them about the steps they needed to see taken, as well as a lot of pride-swallowing, to get to the point where we could move forward and get the scene shot. At the center of that meeting I felt completely incompetent, but like all humiliating moments this one taught me some lessons. In this case, the importance of acknowledging what you don’t know and asking questions to ensure you do your job properly (especially in a case like this where other people’s safety is involved). And also a little side lesson about persevering (and not running away and crying) in the face of extreme shame. Both have served me well since.

Name one person you admire and why (perhaps you know him or her, but you don’t have to)?

I have huge admiration for screenwriter Charlie Kaufman, who has made a career out of allowing his vulnerabilities to spill onto the page. In his words: “If you’re honest about who you are, you’ll help that person be less lonely in their world, because that person will recognize himself in you and that will give him hope.” I think people go to the movies to see humanity examined on the screen, and Kaufman is better than almost anyone at showing it at its most flawed and complex while still managing to keep things entertaining. He did a BAFTA lecture in 2011 that I recommend highly for anyone interested in writing or frailty or intelligent words on human nature.

Name one woman you have a girl crush on (again – maybe you might know her, maybe you don’t)? Why?

I simply can’t narrow this down to one person. Any woman who is living comfortably in her own skin and pursuing a life that fulfills her is crush-worthy, in my opinion. There’s a huge number of girl crushes in our very own Seattle backyard, so I’ll narrow it down to these borders and try to at least scratch the surface. Here goes: Lynn Shelton, Lacey Leavitt, Mel Eslyn, Rachel Flotard, Cheryl Waters, Lindy West, Alycia Delmore, Hannah Levin, SJ Chiro, Jennifer Roth, Faustine Hudson, Robynne Hawthorne, Kimberly Chin, Kate Bayley, Sue Corcoran, the creators of Project Girl Crush and probably hundreds more.

At what age did you feel most vulnerable/uncomfortable in your skin, and why?

This is probably the same as anyone, but it had to have been the pre-teens. Such an awkward moment in development happening right at the same time as you’re supposed to start becoming appealing to the opposite sex is just rough timing.

What advice would you share with that former self?

You are way more appealing when you are relaxed and happy with the person you are. (I’m still trying to fully integrate this advice, by the way.)

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, a drawing… however you choose to express yourself.

“A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. They're just backing away from life. Reach out. Take a chance. Get hurt even. But play as well as you can. Go team, go! Give me an L. Give me an I. Give me a V. Give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.” – Ruth Gordon as Maude, Harold and Maude

Do you have a particular vision of your life 30 years from now? What does it look like? (This can be purely conceptual – maybe it’s a feeling, maybe it’s a picture. Allow yourself to dream).

When I was growing up, my mom always repeated the old saying: “I’m going to stay young until I’m 96, then grow old gracefully.” By that standard, I’ll still be young in 30 years, so hopefully I’ll still be discovering new things about people and finding ways to explore those discoveries on whatever kind of screen we’re watching by then.

What are you doing today to help yourself realize the vision described above?

Trying to remind myself all the time how much there is to learn, and how truly exciting that prospect is.

Ok-super-quickly-without-hesitating-write-down-the-first-five-words-that-come-into-your-mind.

Humanity Flight Element Chaos Beans

I met Amanda Clayton in 2009. I’d heard about the doctoral candidate for months, and, at 23, meeting a fellow 23-year-old who also happens to be getting her PhD is intimidating. I figured she would toss off seven syllable words casually, choosing only to discuss matters of political importance. I assumed she would wear spectacles. And then I actually met Amanda.

The process of enrolling in a PhD program at the University of Washington was an organic one, and, after six years, Amanda is a Post-Doc in Political Science at the Free University of Berlin and a Research Fellow at the Women and Public Policy Program at Harvard Kennedy School. Her research has focused on women’s political participation around the world and how it affects public policy, and it’s taken her to five continents over the last four years. While living in Namibia, Amanda took her only vacation to visit a fellow PhD candidate in a war zone.

But the work Amanda has done is not the most astounding thing about her. It’s her unfettered dedication that impresses me time and again. It’s a ceaseless devotion that I’ve never seen in someone so young. She has had to make countless sacrifices because of her research: she rarely sees her partner of six years who lives thousands of miles away, she hasn’t shared a zip code with her family since the early years of her program, and up until her recent acceptance of a teaching position at a stateside university (slated to begin next year), she’s lived on a student salary for the entirety of her adult life. But she has done all of this without hesitation or complaint, because it’s just what she has to do.

Amanda still intimidates me. She’s one of my closest friends, and my admiration of her hasn’t wavered since we first met. While my initial perception of her was way off, there are few twentysomethings are as accomplished as her, and far fewer have an understanding of their own principles. “Being political is sexy. Having an opinion is sexy. As women we’re taught to be demure and that our voices are less important; and any woman who has the presence of mind to dismiss this type of negative socialization, and instead embraces her power and her voice is my hero.”

As evident as her ethos is in her work, it’s evident in her life. She isn’t someone who allows challenge to define or deter her. She has an opinion. She is a woman who asserts her voice.  She is powerful. And that’s just who Amanda is.

Describe one thing that inspires you:

Selfless acts. Human kindness.

When you’re having a bad day / week / month, how do you harness that inspiration and keep creating?

Sometimes I don’t. If I’m going through an uninspired stretch, I try to just let myself be in that place until in passes. Or I take a hot bath. 

When do you feel the most yourself? Why?

When I’m traveling – either by myself or with a trusted companion.

What do you love?

I love Seattle in the summertime, drinks with old friends, going to new places, long road trips, the sun on my back, powerful and outspoken women, long hikes, feeling well in my body… 

What do you love about yourself?

I love that I’m still learning how to answer this question.

What’s your worst habit?

When I waste time on things that don’t serve me or add anything to my life. 

Describe your greatest professional achievement:

On occasion, seeing my students experience their ‘feminist moments.’

Talk about an instance that made you feel vulnerable, unprepared, and/or scared:

In academia, because there is no set course, there are many times when you don’t feel good enough – or feel that everyone around you is smarter, more ambitious or more talented than you are. 

How did you make it through that time?

I talk with female friends or mentors - and remind myself that feeling like a fraud is self-sabotaging. 

Describe a time when you felt incompetent:

I’m not naturally a good public speaker – but I have to do it a lot. I’ve bombed presentations or lectures more than once.

Who are you intimidated by? Why?

Women who naturally command a group – either professionally or socially - intimidate me. It’s a trait that I greatly admire, but it’s so foreign to me.

Name one person you admire and why:

My father. He has no pretense and is the most kind and genuine person I know. I seriously tear up just thinking about how much I admire him.

Name one woman you have a girl crush:

I’ve got a long list: Mia McKenzie, Lena Dunham, Michelle Obama, Mindy Kaling, Gloria Steinem through all her glorious decades, Leverne Cox, Chimanda Ngozi Adiche – basically any woman who speaks her mind. Being political is sexy. Having an opinion is sexy. As women we’re taught to be demure and that our voices are less important; and any woman who has the presence of mind to dismiss this type of negative socialization, and instead embraces her power and her voice is my hero. 

What’s a meaningful piece of advice you have been given, and who gave it to you?

I don’t know if this counts as advice, but I recently came across this quote by Tavi Gevinson about starting her project (at 13!) – and it made me think about what you ladies are doing with your project:

“I wanted to start a website for teenaged girls that was not kind of this one-dimensional strong character empowerment thing, because one thing that can be very alienating about a misconception of feminism is that girls then think that to be feminists, they have to live up to being perfectly consistent in their beliefs, never being insecure, never having doubts, having all the answers…and this is not true and actually, recognizing all the contradictions I was feeling became easier once I realized that feminism was not a rule book but a discussion, a conversation, a process.”

Do you have a particular vision of your life 30 years from now? What does it look like?

I’d like to be in the part of my career where I can enjoy what I’ve built – rather than still working as hard as I can. Outside of my career, I hope I’m still developing new interests, still traveling, still learning.  

What are you doing today to help yourself realize the vision described above?

Putting in the hard work now… well, in fits and starts. 

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, a drawing… however you choose to express yourself.

This quote, by George Bernard Shaw, has been my favorite for the last decade:

 “This is the true joy in life — being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one… being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake.

Life is no ‘brief candle’ to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it over to future generations.” 

Ok-super-quickly-without-hesitating-write-down-the-first-six-words-that-come-into-your-mind.

Well, I guess I’ll keep going. 

This project began simply: with the desire to honor a woman. A way to celebrate 92 years of life, to pay homage to a vitality unsurpassed by a person of any age. And though it arose from something simple, this project evolved into much more. It began before I could understand how challenging it is to capture the vigor, the strength, the jubilant animation of my Grandmother. To encapsulate her joie de vivre through words, though photos, or through video, has proven an incredible task. She is a presence that must be felt, experienced, heard, touched. Her beauty, her wit, her confident air are only alluded to in film, hinted at in prose. And though I’ll attempt to describe this woman, I know the effort will only begin to scratch the surface of her depth. So consider this portrait incomplete. Consider it a tribute to a woman deserving of nothing less.

My Grandmother, Laura Estelle Cecelia Mary Hurt McKeever Kimmitt, is much like her lengthy moniker: with as many names as she has children, it is full of history and intricacy, though in the end, it all boils down to just Honey. This is how she is known, the matriarch of my family. We all (that’s her 7 children, her 7 stepchildren, and the countless grand and great grandchildren after that) call her Honey; I’ve seldom known her as much else. Her whole community, a suburb of Orlando called Winter Park, has even claimed this affectionate epithet, as though they have adopted Honey as their own Grandmother. The truth is, I am pleased to share. It’s in Honey’s nature to touch as many lives as possible, to bring as many smiles as she’s able, whether she’s “throwing bouquets” (her own version of giving out plentiful compliments to friends and strangers) or offering guidance.

I recently visited Honey in Winter Park with my friend and PGC partner, Genevieve. Allow me to set the scene a little: with a population of just under 30,000 people, it seems each and every member of the town knows Honey. She was born and raised in nearby Sanford, so her roots in the area couldn’t be stronger. But beyond that, she is an active part of the community, going to Mass (at least once, if not three times a day), a visit to the gym (lasting upwards of 2 hours), and hours spent with friends and family. The energy this woman has is astounding. Her vivacity is one of the reasons why so many people know and love her—she’s never far from laughter. And, even after almost a century of life, she has more vigor than someone half her age.

During my time with Honey in Winter Park, I continued to find myself to be utterly taken by her. She’s stunning; with a full head of white hair, she’s always dressed elegantly in classic black. Her affinity for silver jewelry is obvious, as well as her requirement for a tube of lipstick. The women in my family have inherited all of these traits, and there’s a particular saying amongst us that is derivative of our matriarch: “Get that lipstick on!” It’s a “Honeyism” that has been passed down through the generations. If ever the color begins to fade from my lips, one of my aunts or cousins will lean over and, from the side of her mouth (for subtlety, of course) whisper that mocking yet genial phrase.

Honey is a powerful woman, it goes without saying. She was a Navy nurse during the Second World War, and eventually married a pilot named Edward. They had seven children together, and Honey was completely devoted to each. Family is of the utmost importance to Honey, and her pride is evident in the generations she has created and shaped. But even still, I couldn’t help but find myself wondering what Honey would be doing if she was of a completely different generation, one with vastly dissimilar expectations and opportunities than her own. When asked, she responded without hesitation, as though she had been mulling the question about for some time. Honey said (tinged in her Southern accent) that had she been born in 1985 like myself, she would be a dancer, a model, an actress; she would do it all. It’s no secret that this path would have been fitting, and as such, she has managed to sculpt for herself the life of an actress (she even became a model in her fifties, and was caught swing dancing at my college graduation—she was 87 at the time). Honey has found a unique way of living out her dreams: most often, through story. For Honey tends to communicate not only her rich life experience, but also possessed an innate ability to entertain and amuse. Her acute awareness to detail (she’ll recite full names of her elementary school teachers without skipping a beat), her mindfulness of others, her ability to engage, and the sheer fact that she is a woman meant to be on stage, all blend harmoniously: “Telling stories, you want to relay something to this other person because you want to make them laugh, or be interesting… to me, I just tell stories…. Everybody’s got a story, and they’d love to tell you.”

Honey is quick to share her truths, her advice, and her guidance. She’s a beacon of insight; and while she’ll proudly impart her own timeless acumen, she is just as prone to listening. With hearty nods and the continual utterance of an agreeable mmhmm, it’s clear she absorbs every last of the speaker’s words. My Grandmother truly is the ultimate role model. Advocating health, kindness, and dedication to family, she is a woman content with the direction life has taken her. “It’s kind of nice when you get to be 60 or 70 to look back and think, I’m very happy with my life,” Honey said. “I had a good life; a very good life.”

You know that antiquated portrayal of ‘the woman that has it all’? An impenetrable force, she stands a little taller than the rest. Her nose may or may not be in the air. She’s mysterious, perhaps hardened, as she balances All The Things in five-inch heels. Well, it’s antiquated for a reason. Kristen Meyer is the new face of that woman.  I didn’t know Kristen personally when a friend and employee (at Kristen’s boutique real estate agency, Sweet Living) reached out to suggest her as a PGC feature. “She is a super fresh, honest, hilarious voice in the world of stuffy, bizarre, crucial Seattle real estate, and everyone (and I mean everyone) that meets her loves her,” she described. This was precisely the reaction I had to Kristen. She’s earnestly warm, funny, and put me at an ease I typically find only in conversations with long time friends. She’s almost too easy to talk to. That guard I typically have up when I meet someone new? It vanished as soon as Kristen walked into the room. She is someone who has found the kind comfort in her own skin that she doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone. She’s unguarded because she is exactly who she wants to be. And that kind of attitude allows me to be more of who I am. And this is exactly how women are supposed to be together – their most unguarded selves. 

So - tell me your life story. 

I never had any intention of living in Seattle.  It was 1995 and I had graduated from college and was one year into my "dream job" doing college radio promotion for Mammoth Records in Chapel Hill, NC.  Sub Pop was a label I loved because they were exploring new territory that went beyond the Seattle sound they were famous for fostering.  Sebadoh, Sunny Day Real Estate, The Spinanes, Afghan Whigs - these were the bands that moved me.  When I started at the label, honestly, I had to educate myself on Green River, Soundgarden, even Nirvana.  My job was to get Sub Pop's increasingly un-grunge artists exposure on the only radio stations that would have them.  My only sense of Seattle was from watching Singles and listening to Silkworm's "In The West".  I envisioned a freezing climate that was so frigid it required long johns and wooly hats all year long.  I packed accordingly.

I worked at the label for 8 years, stumbling into greater opportunities at the company through it's evolution.  A couple of years in to my job managing the Marketing Department, I felt frustrated and at a dead end.  I loved the music industry and community but felt a need to explore what else was out there.  I had been entrenched in the music biz since I was 17 and felt like there was a whole other world out there I wanted to explore.  Leaving that job was more than just leaving a job - it was intentionally leaving a family of friends that were my life in this city, and a job that felt more like an identity.  That transition sent me into an era of figuring out who the 30-year-old version of myself was.  

I remember sitting in the Uptown Espresso on Delridge one morning shortly after I'd left my job.  It was a Tuesday at around 10 AM and there were a ton of people in there - I had been working at a desk in an office for so long that I didn't even know that there life was actually HAPPENING at that time on a work day.  Looking back, there were amazing people who supported me finding my way.  Megan Jasper, the current VP of Sub Pop who had become one of my best friends, was an incredible friend to me during that time.  Jon Poneman also supported my defection from the label in a way that was generous and gracious.  My year post Sub Pop before I started my real estate career in earnest was terrifying, but I always had the sense that I was doing what I needed to do and was lucky enough to be surrounded by people who loved and supported me through this weird professional puberty that probably was really smelly, pimply and hairy.

When do you feel the most yourself? Why?

When I'm with the people I love.  Namely, my husband Justin and daughter Tally, and my friends & family.  I like being around other people where there is laughter, and noise, and music.  And, when I'm swimming in a warm ocean.  I may have been a mermaid in a past life.

When do you feel the least yourself? Why?

When I'm at a Realtor event and they begin the meetings with the Pledge of Allegiance.  It seems so archaic to stand up and recite these words.  Don't get me wrong, I'm American and I feel patriotic, but I'd rather stand up and sing the Dead Kennedy's.  

What do you love about yourself?  

I love my ability to find the humor in most situations.  And my legs.  

What don’t you love about yourself?

I am hypersensitive and can be judgmental.  I have really high standards for myself and the people around me which can create blind spots.  As I get older, I feel the judgmental slipping away and the hypersensitive taking over.    

Talk about an instance in your life that made you feel the most vulnerable:

Our daughter, Tally, was born with a heart defect that required her to have open-heart surgery.  She was diagnosed when she was 1, and had the surgery when she was 3.  Those 2 years were terrifying for me as a parent and a human.  Justin and I were barely getting a grip on being parents when everything changed.  I felt ashamed and desperately helpless that I couldn't do something to fix her. 

What did you do to make it through?

We have amazing friends and family.  Our community was so incredible.  They gave us strength to be strong for Tally.  Her surgery was a success and she is a happy & healthy 8 year-old.  I learned a lot about letting others help me, which was oddly incredibly hard.  I learned that in order to truly help others, I needed to learn how to let people do that for me.  

Name one of your girl crushes:

I continue to have a life-long girl crush on Megan Jasper.  She remains one of my closest friends and I am very lucky.  She is wicked-smaht and has worked really hard and selflessly her entire career to create an environment where artists can be artists, and she's proven that going against the grain can be a successful business strategy.  I believe that her magic is a huge reason Sub Pop has survived, thrived, and impacted many lives and the cultural core of Seattle.  Her patience and heart are something to behold and I often find myself thinking, WWMD?  

When was the last time you were guilty of judging a woman too quickly?

There was a new agent who came on board in my office named Jennifer.  She seemed kinda bitchy so I immediately decided that I was going to ignore her because I don't like bitchy bitches.  Our team leader at the time asked me to reach out to her, so I did.  I ended up getting to know her and she is one of my favorite agents in our office.  She is actually quite sweet and thoughtful and lovable, she just doesn't like people and squishy stuff.  So, I hug her (much to her chagrin) every time I see her and it makes me laugh that I had judged her so wrongly.  

What frustrates you about the way women treat each other?

I think women have a jealousy habit.  It manifests itself in weird ways.  We all want what "she" has and it seems like "she" has it so easy, when the fact is that all women struggle with balance and making big decisions about how we want our lives to go.  Because women have that unique challenge - for example, deciding to have kids or not - sometimes we overlook the things that bind us together even if we choose different paths.  I remember when I became a mother and was very aware that I was not identifying with Mommyville.  I felt like I was in female purgatory where I didn't belong to the same club as my non-parent girlfriends, and didn't want to join the new club of the Moms only Talking About Mom Stuff.  It was a confusing time and looking back I realize that we all go through that purgatory as women in one way or another.  Jealousy comes easily when we are trying to figure our own shit out.  So, ladies, let's just get over that and realize that being a woman can look very different depending on the woman, but we are all just a bunch of chicks getting by.

What do you love about the way women treat each other?

I love the way women inherently seem to understand the power of teaching.  All of the great women I know are teachers.  Women who have succeeded at a high professional level rarely keep their ideas to themselves - they recognize the power of collaboration, supporting each other, and mentoring.  

This is a woman in her element. Denise Burnside has invited Genevieve and I to her boat on Lake Washington on what might be the last of Seattle’s most beautiful summer days. Champagne has been poured, a toast has been made, and Denise seems as though she has been lit-up from inside, due simply to her proximity to the water. Our outing showed me a new side of Denise, one I had yet to see. Though as my former boss, I’m well aware of several more. She is the Director of Business and Operations at the public radio station KEXP, and as such, she manages finance and accounting, HR, payroll, and a myriad of other projects and people. She is also a punk rock chick through and through, who ran away from home at fourteen to support the lifestyle she chose.  In her words: “I’ve been feisty since I can remember. I was out of my folk’s house at an early age, and I was very motivated to prove I had my shit together and could do things my way. Being financially responsible seemed like the perfect way to give everyone the middle finger that didn’t believe in me. If I could pay my own rent, buy my own groceries, and buy my own transportation you had to leave me alone to figure my life out for myself.”

She is a woman who sees what she wants and goes for it, with zero allowance for failure.  And though she currently runs a hugely successful and impactful nonprofit organization, and previously was the GM of Seattle music venue The Showbox, Denise has no formal business education. She studied modern dance in college—and even that decision was made not based on extensive training, but on will alone. “I got into Concordia University to study dance because I had passion and drive, not years of training. I started a band, played my first show after a month or so of picking up the bass, and ended up recording and toured quite a bit. When things sucked, I figured out how to make things better. I worked hard at every job I’ve ever had, and now I have a whole lot of amazing everything.”

What challenges have you met in chasing inspiration?

Oh, so many challenges! Constant challenges - it’s part of what makes life interesting. I think it’s the challenges that drive me to keep thinking and trying and pushing. My biggest challenges where early on, in my teen years and then in my early 20’s when I left my first husband and moved from Montreal back to Seattle. I always tried to use these challenges to learn and build upon, but sometimes I got wrapped up and confused. I made some bad choices along the way, but you gotta pick your self up and start building again. Eat your shit sandwich, try to understand why the heck you chose that path, and work to make better choices and build a better situation. There really are tons of chances to kick ass in life, so take em when you can.  

Do you have a specific space that helps you feel inspired?

I don’t have a specific place. I love being in or on the water. I’m not sure if it inspires me - it  might distract me more than anything else. I usually want to kick back and enjoy a beverage! I do love being with my friends (including my best friend, hubby Brian). I love having a good conversation and connecting with lovely people.

Who do you have a girl crush on?

I have a crush on most of my girlfriends, so there is that. I had a crush on PJ Harvey for a long time, but that was a while ago. I don’t have a big crush on anyone right now. If I challenge myself I think I might have a crush on Melissa McCarthy and Tina Fey. They are hilarious and strong. I like my ladies that way. I also adore Vicki Butler-Henderson. She is a great driver and fun to hear talk about cars on Fifth Gear. She is very smart, girlie and cute in her mannerisms, and then she gets on the track and kicks ass. I wish I had the cash to race cars. It would be dreamy to learn to race any level of car.

If you could ask your girl crush anything, what would you ask her?

Will you make out with me? Seriously, I would likely ask that. After getting through that embarrassing situation, I would  just want to converse with them. You find out a lot about a person through simple conversations. I would likely end up talking to them about pooping. Or I would talk about poop and they would get uncomfortable. It can go either way.

Who/what is your spirit animal?

I am nicknamed “The Llama” by a close friend. I do lick and spit at times, it’s true. I wish my spirit animal was Allison Mosshart, or something cool like that. I think of myself as strong and smart, but I’m such a spaz that I just don’t know what fits me. Perhaps Liz Lemon would be it.

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

You can do anything. If you are a natural, great. If not, you just have to think smart and work hard. My dad told me this many times in many ways. He didn’t care if what I wanted to do was a “boy thing”. If I wanted to do it he encouraged me to figure it out and do it. That has stuck with me my whole life.  

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

This too shall pass. Summer shall pass into fall, today will become tomorrow, and I will become again the dirt the flowers grow from. 

Heather Allison has already done my job for me. Because Project Girl Crush is a celebration of incredible, inspiring, jaw dropping women, I’ve tasked myself with committing their descriptions to paper (and/or the ether of the World Wide Web).  But lucky for me, Heather has managed to just that: “I recently went through an exercise to discover my ‘three words.’ (I).. wanted to define ‘who I am’ by way of my work —-partially… because I’m that girl who is ever-curious, ever-exploring, ever-enthralled with life, its subtleties, and its meaning, its looping and weaving connectedness, so digging deeper into who I am sounded like fun. The outcome of this exercise, “my words”, were: Lover, Healer, Dreamer. Which translated into my ‘brand words’: Love, Life, Light.”

Heather not only seeks love, life, and light, but she fully embodies all three. And she has made it her goal to do so in every aspect of her life. Though Heather has certainly etched a successful career for herself (as a brand consultant for a certain Seattle based tech super power), she has opted to manifest “her words” in every capacity. A self-taught photographer, Heather has (somewhat) recently launched a career in photography, and has begun shooting the things in life she loves the most. She has aligned her personal, professional, and spiritual goals around her theme, and has made it seem completely effortless.

Heather is covetable. She’s the girl you worship from afar yet still lean on when she’s close. She’s forthright about her spirituality, her love of love, her adoration of women. She has a depth, a sweetness, and an approachability that fashion a creature I can only describe as rare. She is all of these things, and she also that girl that, when asked to describe her spirit animal, responds: “dolphins are my peeps” and quotes Battlestar Galactica.

So, what shall we call you?

Heather. HBA. Bruce. H-Bomb. Peaches (my dad’s nickname for me ;)). Whatever works. :)

 What do you do for a living?

Still battling with a day-job, but I chase life, love, and light on the side: photography. Teaching myself as I go…

All I really want to do is explore and create and experiment creatively all day long. I have to figure out how to make that happen…

More importantly, what do you do that you love?

…Long story short — I love love, and practice opening my heart as much as possible at every turn. I love life, and capturing the moments, the connections, the emotions, the souls of the people in front of my lens (or through my paintbrush; or in practicing the art of living through sharing food and drink) whenever I can. And I love light — whether that translates physically into beauty, art, and design; literally into sun flare, summer haze, and light leaks; or metaphorically into optimism, enthusiasm, and good juju.

Someone just said to me the other day, “Sunshine is your trademark.”

Not only is that one of my favorite things someone’s said to me, I also think it’s true.

What inspires you to get up in the morning?

Ethereally? That exercise nailed it: Life, love and light. And a desire to see and do and feel and create.

Literally? Nespresso coffee with almond milk.

Even more literally? My alarm clock, demanding that I clock-in at my day job. And Griffin, my cat, demanding food and snuggles.

How and where do you find that inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “If I could find someone to pay me to poke around on Pinterest all day, I would be THE. BEST. EMPLOYEE.”

I’m serious.

Pinterest, my mile-long Feedly blog list, other photographers, other thinkers and philosophers and explorers, other women learning and opening their hearts and finding their paths, maybe occasionally an internet meme or Battlestar Galactica (okay, that last one was just tonight — but how good is this line? “”Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don’t know your direction, doesn’t mean you don’t have one.” Yep, from BSG. But I digress…).

Inspiration is everywhere. You just have to have your eyes open. And your heart. See a theme here? ;)

What has it compelled me to do?

Grow. Learn. Sniff out my path — even if I am a late bloomer. Keep getting up and dusting off my knees, no matter how many times I fall down, and stay open to the falling in love again (every way you want to interpret that: that’s exactly how I mean it).

What challenges have you met in chasing that inspiration?

Is it okay if I just laugh here?

Do you have a specific space that helps you feel inspired?

In my home, sometimes it’s just sitting on the living room floor with the stereo on, balcony door open, and a sweet breeze blowing in. Other times, it’s the sun and air streaming through my guest room / studio / office, as I lay on the bed thumbing through magazines or a book; cat sprawled out next to me.

Outside of my home, it’s anywhere from sitting on a blanket in a park or at the beach; surrounding myself with music and art; reading pretty much anywhere; exchanging stories and exploring ideas with like-minded friends; and anywhere there is amazing light, inspired food, rich wine, and someone to share a laugh with.

Who do you have a girl crush on?

April Allison (besides sharing my last name and my astrological sign — which means she’s rad without any further qualification) is ridiculous. The mom of two adorable-but-rowdy young boys, she’s also one of the most put-together, creative, lovely, and crazy-talented women I know. I might not like her if I didn’t like her so much.

Amy Grace, photographer. The sheer magnitude and intensity of the soul in her work has me ogling her blog/facebook/site constantly.

Allison Mosshart! If I were going to be a rock star, I would be her bad-ass, sing-through-your-cigarette, flip-off-the-audience brand of rock star.

And, since I’ve started down the Brit-celeb road, Sienna Miller. I just adore her and her amazing/kooky style.

And, if we’re going to be literal (and very honest) about it, I actually do have a real crush on Katherine Moennig (‘Shane’ from the L Word).

If you could ask your girl crush anything, what would you ask her?

Well, really, we have these girl crushes because they embody something we want, right?

I want a beautiful relationship, beautiful family life, beautiful home, and beautiful career like April’s —- in my own way, of course.

I want Amy’s technical skill coupled with her ability to reach in and grab right onto the soul of her subjects.

I want Sienna’s wardrobe. And abs. And accent.

And I want… well, I want Allison’s stage presence and vocal chords and ability to wear leather.

I don’t really want to wear leather. I just think she’s kick-ass.

And I just think Shane is sexy. ;)

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life,

and who gave it to you?

Never give up. Even when you really, really want to.

Joe Strummer ‘told me’ that.

And, paraphrasing from my brilliant and intuitive friend, Elisa Romeo:

Your answers, your true path, your unique You-ness, your divinity — it’s all within you. You just have to open your heart, get out of your own way, shut out the din of your head and your surroundings, and listen to your soul. She’ll never, ever let you down.

What book have you read in the last year that you love?                           

Oooooh, good question. I’m in a book club right now, so LOTS.

Code Name Verity

State of Wonder

The Angel’s Game

Ender’s Game

And just started reading Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love.

Appropriate, no?

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

"Be in love with your life. Every detail of it." - Jack Kerouac

I’ll be getting ‘be in love’ tattooed on me at some point. ;)

"Teach me how to trust my heart, my mind, my intuition, my inner knowing, the senses of my body, the blessings of my spirit. Teach me to trust these things so that I may enter my sacred space and love beyond my fear, and thus walk in balance with the passing of each glorious sun." - American Indian Lakota Prayer

I’ve also recently been very taken with the concept of POIESIS — an idea and way of being, dating to ancient Greece, which involves ‘bringing things out; nurturing; helping something or someone come out and show the best of themselves.’

I want to explore this —- both in myself and in my photography; manifesting the best, the most beautiful, the truest essence. I particularly want to explore this for women, to bring out their highest form of femininity, strength, beauty, power, and sensuality. Think boudoir photography for the soul. ;)

This is a project I’m currently nurturing — Poiesis to beget Poiesis — and which you’ll hopefully see in the coming months…

To say that Alicia Amiri is a unique woman is too limiting a description. A true statement, sure, but also one that narrowly compares her exclusively to other females. In response to my question “What do you love most about being a woman?” Alicia said, “I don’t think of myself often as a woman, I think of myself as a human in this arbitrary physical shell. I feel very liberated as a human, from my gender but also from socio-economic pressures that would keep me from living the life I wanted.” I adore this response. Considering I am someone who writes incessantly about her infatuation with talented, creative, inspiring women, Alicia’s avowal has stopped me in my tracks. She defies traditional comparisons and has, in a sense, challenged my approach to both the feminine and the feminist. I want to honor her as a powerful woman (it is still a girl crush, after all), but in doing so, I must acknowledge and honor her first as a powerful human.

Alicia is someone who has a potent understanding of herself, of her views, and or her values, which is a rare thing for people our age. It’s rare for anyone of any age, for that matter. But in order to truthfully describe my admiration of Alicia, I have to first talk a little bit about myself. I haven’t always known what I wanted from or for my life, and have grappled with defining my passions. Project Girl Crush was founded, in part, because I have been so obsessed with identifying a source of inspiration, and I hoped that uncovering other women’s passionate pursuits would help guide me (it has. Yay!).  

Alicia, on the other hand, knows who she is, what she wants, and doesn’t hesitate. She says exactly what she means, speaks her mind when she believes in something. She isn’t someone who would nod along with a conversation to appease someone; instead, she simply states what she thinks. This sounds simple, I suppose, but even still it is also uncommon. Such a stifling aspect of the female gender role in our culture is politeness and subtlety. It’s something that I see engrained within myself on a very unconscious level, something I have only recently begun to recognize. I don’t know if Alicia was conscious in her decision to defy that appalling aspect these normative roles, but either way, she inspires me to follow suit and be more accountable for what I think and believe. 

 Alicia has also fully thrust herself into her passion: music. She works as a booker/promoter and produces shows at a handful of venues across Seattle. She also plays in a number of bands, including Nightmare Fortress and her own solo project (the EP will be released soon), and dedicates any remaining time to her obsession. She pours over music videos, albums, lyrics, poetry, art, and, in turn, puts all of it into her songs. “My primary goal in life is to create work that I am proud of, that can add to humanity in a beneficial way, and also to make the most of the range of human experience that we can.” She said. And that is far from a small feat. But Alicia is wholly dedicated to this pursuit and is creating some really meaningful art in the process.

I value Alicia for so many reasons, but perhaps the best way to describe my deference is that she has such strength in the areas that I have weakness. I am simultaneously intimidated and empowered by Alicia, and full of reverence and anticipation for the things I have to learn from her.

What inspires you to get up in the morning?

I’m really not a morning person, but what makes me stay up all night?  Working on projects that I become fixated on, having interesting conversations with friends, eating good food and drinking good wine, spending time with attractive men and having new experiences.

How and where do you find inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life? 

I’m inspired by so many artists and thinkers; it’s endless. Many of my friends are insanely talented artists and it’s so fun to collaborate with them and just to watch their different work processes. My primary goal in life is to create work that I am proud of, that can add to humanity in a beneficial way, and also to make the most of the range of human experience that we can.

Who do you have a girl crush on?

What women do I admire? There are lots of musicians and business owners and writers that I look up to. I admire women who make great works that have nothing to do with them being “attractive”. To make it simple I’ll just say Virginia Woolf.

If you had the opportunity to ask her anything, what would it be?

I’d ask her if she wanted a drink.

What is your “spirit animal”?

I like cats, I like semi precious stones, I like oysters, I like PJ Harvey, I like red wine and good scotch and I like the color black. All these things I aspire to.

What are you listening to on your ipod/car stereo/transistor radio right now?

I listen to music all day everyday. That question is insane to me.

Who is the person in your life that helps fuel love and creativity, and how does he or she do so?

There will never be just one person. All of my close friends are the most talented, intelligent, hilarious people I could imagine meeting. My friends are all huge inspirations to me creatively and otherwise.

What do you have in your pockets right now?

No pockets in these fitted jeans girl! I always carry a purse. Phone, wallet, keys, ear plugs, weed, makeup bag, change, business cards.

What challenges have you encountered in your life that are linked to your gender?

I’ve heard over and over that I’m a bitch; that I come across as too blunt and too harsh. Partially, I am naturally extroverted, but partially I have learned that when you deal with men that you’re first meeting, you need to establish power immediately. Women are called either bitches or dumb pushovers, I’m completely uninterested in having people get power over me, so yeah, I get called a bitch.

Do you consider yourself a feminist, and how do you define what that means?

Fuck yes I’m a feminist. I think that woman are as smart and as able to do anything as men.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”

– Franz Kafka

Do you have a website or blog that you would like to share?

Check this out, it’s a French music blog that’s rad.http://www.blogotheque.net/

Tell me about the first time you performed on stage on front of actual human beings. How did you feel? 

I started playing in youth orchestras on viola in 5th grade, about 10 years old. I loved it. I always wanted to be a drummer and didn’t quite fit in the orchestra vibe, but I ended up playing viola in orchestras for 7 more years. When I was even younger than 10 I did competitive karate and used to perform Katas for tournaments in front of formal judges. I’ve always loved performing, it’s one of my favorite ways to get high.

Now tell me about the first time you sung in front of humans. 

I sang at my first open mic when I was in college at Western. I started hanging out with lots of musicians and got really inspired to try to write songs. I wanted to make music too, not just watch other people I admired do it anymore. I had been going to a ton of shows since I was a kid. The first time was pretty frightening. I was shaking so bad that I could barely play guitar, but I did it and never played that song again, just kept writing new ones. 

What is going through your mind when you perform?

Honestly, not much is going through my mind on stage. It’s one of the most present experiences I ever have, besides having sex I guess. I really stop thinking about anything and fully engage in that brief experience. 

Do you remember the first CD/casette you ever bought with your own money?

Yep. I bought 2 Cure albums from a library sale when I was about 12; “Wish” and “Head On The Door”. My father told me that I’d probably like that band, which is kinda crazy cause he barely listens to music, but he was totally right. The Cure is still one of my favorite bands. Shortly after I bought Nirvana’s “Nevermind”, REM “Automatic For The People” and Weezer’s Blue Album. It was game over for me after that. I could barely focus on anything else besides music and started hunting for bands. 

What is your favorite word and what does it mean to you?

OBLIVION. Everything we think we know and everything we think is important will be completely forgotten until it returns to Nothingness. 

How do you center yourself?

I get down with some Buddhist mindfulness shit; I focus on my breathing and bring my consciousness to the present state of human existence. I also talk a lot with my rad friends and they give me insights about myself that could have overlooked. 

Are you excited about any local music right now?

Yes, very much so. If I didn’t love the music in Seattle so hard, I probably wouldn’t still be living here. There are so many, many bands that I love that it seems absurd to try list them, but here’s a few. 

Haunted Horses, Deadkill, MNTS, The Tempers, The Cave Singers, 18 Eyes, Helms Alee, Trash Fire, Crypts, Transmissionary, Iska Dhaff, ZooLab, Dust Moth, Duke Evers, & Yet, Damien Jurado, Noah Gundersen, Dave Bazan, Black Breath, The Flavr Blue, OC Notes, Vox Mod, Shabazz Palaces, My Goodness, Metal Chocolates, Blicky, Night Cadet, King Dude, Ononos, WishBeard, Ephrata, Monogamy Party, Nacho Picasso, The Country Lips, Slow Bird, He Who’s Ox Is Gored, Pearl Jam. 

Ok-super-quickly-without-hesitating-write-down-the-first-five-words-that-come-into-your-mind.

Fuck The Man Hail Satan

“I get up in the morning because I know I have to participate in my own life to get anything out of it,” writes Toña Zubia. This simple statement reveals much about Toña: she’s someone so engaged in her days, so present, that even her manner of listening can be felt. It’s not a result of hyper-intensity, for Toña is the epitome of ‘laid back’, but it’s her ability to occupy each of her moments with awareness.

While I hate to rely on clichés, if I were to, I would describe Toña as that enviable free spirit, that California girl— even though she grew up hundreds of miles from the coast in a town called Powell, Wyoming. A sales coordinator for a hotel downtown, Toña embodies the structured methodology necessary to coordinate events, handle foreign independent travel, and process and manage booking, while still maintaining an authentically bohemian demeanor.

Now, she lives with her boyfriend in their apartment (a tall brick building converted from an old school) in Georgetown, a small artistically industrial Seattle neighborhood designed specifically for woman like Toña. She’s a dreamer and a pragmatist, someone who can’t not be described as an artist, even if she hesitates to do so herself. “It’s hard for me to call myself a conceptual artist and I should just own it.  I’m just not there yet and may never be, but conceptual art is something that I do that I love.” Perhaps it’s because she exudes creativity, or perhaps it’s her unparalleled confidence, but Toña is a woman who is so alluring, so irrefutably sexy, that her magnetism is an effortless seduction. She’s the woman across the room that you have to know, and if and when that opportunity does arise (likely in a dimly lit Georgetown bar), she’ll probably be the first to offer to buy you a beer.

How and where do you find inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life? 

I would say my main sources of inspiration are people watching, eavesdropping and also interacting with those around me.  People are endlessly frustrating and strange.  I like that.  It’s what I want to show with my artwork.   

What challenges have you met in chasing that inspiration? 

I’ve had a hard time accepting that there is not one thing that I am completely passionate about.  I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those people who can totally devote themselves to something. 

Do you have a specific space that helps you feel inspired? What does it look and feel like?

I wouldn’t say that I have one specific space that helps me feel inspired.  I do really enjoy sitting in my kitchen on my yellow stool.  The apartment I share with my boyfriend is super tiny so I kind of take over the kitchen area when we’re both home.  Other than that, I find industrial areas very inspiring.  They feel like home to me. If I need to go somewhere inspiring, I imagine just myself in the west Texas desert.  I have a major thing for Texas. 

Who do you have a girl crush? 

The two of you [Jen and Genevieve], for sure!  And I’m really not just saying that to be nice.  I think what the two of you are doing here is fantastic.  You both are so positive and I’m so glad you’re putting this out in the world.  I think it’s been needed.  I also have a long running crush on Claire l. Evans.  She is one part of the duo that is YACHT, a science writer and so much more.  If I met her, I probably wouldn’t be able to speak. 

If you could ask your girl crush anything, what would you ask her?

Who/what is your “spirit animal”?

Tina Turner.  My dear friend told me that she is my spirit animal and it’s stuck.  No particular reason other than it just seems to fit. 

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

I used to get so pissed off when my mother would say “I know you’re having a difficult time dealing with so & so… (this could have been a boss, boyfriend, etc.)  but you have to remember that these people are our greatest teachers.”  She’s right though; I would not be who I am today without those people who make me want to punch them in the face. 

What are you listening to on your ipod/car stereo/transistor radio right now?

Valet, Rose Windows, This Blinding Light, The Dandy Warhols (always) and whatever song is stuck in my head.  Also, I’m a serial song repeater. 

Who is the person in your life that helps fuel love and creativity, and how does he or she do so?

My mother.  She is my constant when it comes to reminding me to find what I really enjoy doing & do it.  She’s always been supportive of my creative endeavors even when she may not understand or agree with them. Amazing! 

What do you love most about being a woman? 

I love the clothes!  That’s my favorite part.  I tried to think of something better but the clothes really are my favorite part. 

Do you consider yourself a feminist, and how do you define what that means? 

I actually call myself the worst feminist ever.  I am going to make a generalization here but the following is an attitude that I so often see and can’t get behind. It’s like the whole “look at me, don’t look at me” thing.  You know, “look at me because I want you to see a sexy, strong, confident woman but don’t you dare look at me because the moment you do, I’m going to think you’re objectifying me”.   I know this is not every feminist.  Calling myself “the worst feminist ever” is also my way of avoiding being put in a box. 

Tell me something pretty.

Start where you are now. Do what you need to do for this moment only. 

Melinda Martin Burgess and I became friends not by choice, but because it was demanded of me.

My mother, in her immeasurable wisdom, pointed directly to Melinda, who sat rosy-cheeked and cross-legged amongst a sea of eight year olds, and told me I was to become her friend.

She just knew there was something about that girl…

Twenty years later, I consider Melinda not only a close friend, but also a beacon of what I hope to one day become. She is a woman so effortlessly herself it seems as though she has never questioned what it is that makes her her. Perhaps this underscores my enduring attraction to Melinda, as determining who I am and what I want has always been a personal hurtle of mine. Or perhaps it’s simply her thoughtful and earnest approach that has continued to draw me in. Whatever the case, Melinda has maintained that graceful her-ness throughout our lengthy friendship, especially amidst the various obstacles life has thrown her way. She’s an infectious presence—she naturally dictates the energy of a room simply by being present, a trait of paramount importance, considering Melinda gained her doula certification earlier this year.

Quite possibly the only individual I would allow near myself while in labor (aside from, ya know, a doctor), Melinda will continue to be a woman I look to for that grounded kind of inspiration few possess. The phrase ‘wise beyond her years’ doesn’t aptly describe her because the potency and the truth of that statement is lost to cliché, but it does begin to articulate Melinda.

We here at Project Girl Crush have decided that, because our trusty photographer Genevieve was not yet on board at our inception, we are going to re-profile the women that were first featured, as they lacked the in-depth visual component that so artistically displays who they are. So we asked Melinda some of the same questions, as well as some new ones, and invite you to read what she has to say, below.

Hi! What shall we call you?

Melinda…my best Moons call me Moon.

Where are you from, and how did you make your way to where you are now?

I’m from right here! It has always felt right to be here so I never left and don’t think I ever will.

What do you do that you love?

I have finally found what I love to do! I am a Doula. The greatest thing about that is I get to spend time with powerful, beautiful, amazing women and watch them become mamas! I love knowing that because my journey as a Doula is just beginning that I get to dedicate my life to this passion. I can’t wait to learn as much as I can about the magic of pregnancy and birth and most importantly be an advocate for women and families. 

What inspires you to get up in the morning?

Mr. Alder Elliot Supermoon.

This face is the coolest thing to wake up to its hard to resist no matter the time or the amount of wine consumed the night before…

How and where do you find inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life? 

I find most my inspiration these days comes from within myself. I have family to live for. My happiness makes them happy we are a team and I need to be my best me to make life awesome! If that’s what I need to do ill do anything it takes!

What challenges have you met in chasing that inspiration?

The first time I looked at this the answer was time. This time it is balance. Finding the perfect balanced equation on family time, work time, and me time is so difficult. Most the time sacrifice is made in the me time department, which has been a hard adjustment to make, and includes some very important people. For that I am sad and I hope to soon find a more balanced life.

Who do you have a girl crush on (you don’t have to know her, she doesn’t even have to be alive)?

Pregnant woman…so natural so beautiful. 

If you had the opportunity to ask her anything, what would it be?

What are your fears?

Who/what is your “spirit animal” (who or what exhibits characteristics you would like to embody? This could reflect the person you are today, or the person you might hope to grow into).

I’m definitely a mama bear probably a brown bear but I would be a nice bear I’d spend most of my time relaxing by a stream in the wildflower fields with my cubs or catching salmon with my husband bear. 

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

Sweet husband always says…”sometimes you have to eat a s@!% sandwich but when you do just take big bites” This always makes me smile, take a deep breath (hopefully not of the s@!% ) and face the challenge!

What book have you read in the last year that you love?

Birthing From Within by Pam England -best birth book ever! I would love to  WILL become a birthing from within mentor someday!

UPDATE ALERT. I did it. I’m doing it. In March I will be traveling to the beautiful Vancouver B.C. to attend a training to become a Birthing From Within Mentor. It feels really good to follow this dream and it’s really not that hard to do. It makes me think that when the decision is a hard one to make it might not be the right one because when you know, YOU KNOW!

Who is the person in your life that helps fuel love and creativity, and how does he or she do so?

I think that it’s just deeply rooted in my soul from that sweet mother earth mama of mine.

What do you have in your pockets right now? My cell phone (I’m on call for a birth), a few cheerios I picked up off the floor, a bobby pin, a cork and a grocery list/crafting day supply list.

What do you love most about being a woman?

HOLY COW! So much…I’m going to have to go with the Uterus.  IT IS AMAZNG and strong and it should be bragged about!

What challenges have you encountered in your life that are linked to your gender?

No man will ever truly understand the pain of childbirth/mothering and why we are so strong!

Do you consider yourself a feminist, and how do you define what that means?

I suppose so…Part of my role as a doula is to give support and be an advocate for women. I hold this commitment deep in my heart and will do anything to help women have their voices heard and feel strength in doing that. I don’t really need that label though to each their own. Peace is my path.

Do you have a website or blog that you would like to share?

Yes I do thanks for asking. Mamamoondoula.com please tell all your soon to be mama friends.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

Relax. Breathe. Feel the earth beneath you. Do nothing extra.

When a woman can translate her personality through the banality of an email, when she can develop a friendship with the person on the other end based on nothing more than this plain and pedestrian mode of communication, when she can enrapture the receiver through stark text and wry humor, there’s something special about this woman.

This is how I met Emily Overstreet. Amidst our trite work exchanges, Emily quickly and easily revealed her wit, her charm, her sweet and endearing nature. Her notes would often spur my spontaneous and audible giggle, so it was no surprise that, upon meeting her in person, her mere presence elicits a smile a giddy laugh.

There’s a part of me that wants to label Emily a cherub—with her small mischievous voice, wide dark eyes, black curls and sprite smirk, she possess both the innocence and depth of the Biblical being. But to define her as such would be to negate one of her most defining characteristics. Emily is fraught with an impish humor, a delightful quirkiness. She possess an ability to discuss both the absurd and the mundane with a droll and clever nimbleness like few people I’ve met.  Originally from Southern Oregon, Emily migrated to Portland because she wanted to “find a more creative life and try out the ‘big city’”.  Now, she has fully immersed herself in music as a member of the folk-rock band Great Wilderness and the ticketing manager for The Aladdin Theater, True West, and Bear Concerts. She seems to juggle plenty, embarking on a solo project titled Daughter Talk where she writes, plays, and records every instrument herself.

I envy people who thrust themselves into their passion, something Emily has done thoroughly. “It’s inspiring to look out my window and see it all happening,” She says, “And then to become a part of it”. This little insight conveys Emily perfectly—she’s excitable and open to possibilities, willing to step into the chaos and allow herself to be caught up within it.

How and where do you find inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life? 

Since many of my days are spent at a desk, like many of us I find inspiration in the internet-accessible world of art: well-written articles, photo-essays, poetry, web design and of course, music. Though not as often as I wish, I enjoy dabbling in all of these different expressions of myself.

I also happen to work with a few very inspiring women that are incredibly strong and gracious. I’m learning that strength and consistency is something that women really have to possess when working in the music industry. They’ve taught me to stand up for myself professionally, not to carry grudges, to move forward and to actually love myself. And also, it’s ok to have emotions at work because we are humans. 

Who/what is your “spirit animal”?

Canadian Geese. They reflect migration to me – having an instinctual sense of home, of direction, of movement and confidence that their instincts are correct. They work together in formation and it’s beautiful. They’ve always been a symbol of total peace to me, and seem to show up in the sky at the most needed times.

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

You are a soul. You have a body. – Kristen Derryberry (one of my best friends) 

Who is the person in your life that helps fuel love and creativity, and how does he or she do so?

My boyfriend, Jeremy, helps fuel love & creativity because he is constantly willing to give me the time and space that I need to work. He also is a musician, writer and creative thinker, which leaves me feeling encouraged and in good company. Like a little kid with a new drawing or painting, I am always eager to show him something I’ve made. 

Do you consider yourself a feminist, and how do you define what that means?

Yes! Though I think my views are (maybe) a bit deeper and more personal than the constantly re-defined political term. I’m 26 years old. So part of it is growing up and realizing that we’re all together in this, and that women need other women to believe in them. I like the thought of competition between women completely melting away.

Tell me something pretty.

"Inside us there is a word we cannot pronounce and that is who we are."

Anthony Marra, from A Constellation Of Vital Phenomena 

Visit Emily’s blog at deepseafauna.tumblr.com

When asked what inspires Lindsey Quitmeier to get out of bed at the ripe hour of 5:20 am, she responded, “Knowing that 32 teenagers are going to be sitting in my classroom waiting for me to inspire them to get up in the morning is pretty good motivation.  If Keilani in first period, currently living with her boyfriend that dropped out, can make it to school every morning so can I.” An art teacher at a public high school, Lindsey genuinely loves what she does. Those of us who have managed to discover the intersection between what we love and what we do are more than lucky—something Lindsey is astutely aware of. She describes, “When I am overwhelmed and frustrated with work I try to say to myself, “Lindsey! You are making a mixed media painting example and putting together images to illustrate surrealism! Shut up!”

A Seattle transplant, Lindsey still embodies her warm, Midwestern appeal. She’s all hugs, smiles, and limbs, with intermittent bursts of what might be the world’s most charming laughter. She’s often described as someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, and so much of her allure is a result of that transparency. Perhaps it’s her teacher’s instinct, but the thought and care she applies to her words make conversations with her a cozy, safe place to reside.

Truth be told, I find it challenging to write about Lindsey. Her presence is something that is so vibrant, so palpable, that my attempt to capture her in words is nearly impossible. 

How and where do you find inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life?

My students, many of whom have had lives much more difficult than mine.  Being entrusted to shape these young people is hugely inspiring.  How could I hope for them to be good, creative, kind, inspired, thoughtful adults if I am not those things?

My family and friends serve as an endless source of inspiration for me.  I am in awe of the people life has given me.  Knowing I am only a phone call away from so much love, wisdom, creativity, and support is incredibly powerful. 

Information, observation, and experiences are big.  Viewing art, reading, listening to radio programs, jumping in bodies of water, going for a walk, being in a new setting all reinvigorate me and inform my work.

OH! And new pens and pencils!

What challenges have you met in chasing that inspiration?

Depression, anxiety, self-doubt are things I’ve dealt with in the past that now to a lesser degree affect me.  I suppose when I think about it those lows have always pushed me to make changes that have resulted in my greatest highs but they have no doubt been a challenge.  

What do you do that you love?

I love to paint.  There is nothing like the head space I enter while painting. It is like a parallel universe that has its own ups and downs and frustrations and accomplishments but I feel totally removed from my worldly self.

Who do you have a girl crush on?

I love me some everyday woman! Imperfection and humanness are very crushable qualities to me.  I regularly have crushes on women getting off the bus or walking through the supermarket. There is this understated toughness and assurance that many women possess, I am very drawn to this energy.  

If you could ask your girl crush anything, what would you ask her?

Why don’t we rule the world?!

Who/what is your spirit animal?

My great grandmother Geryl, who I mostly know through stories.  She was extremely loyal and made life enchanting for herself and those she loved.  She had these dark, deep set eyes that in every picture of her just pierce you with their strength, joy, and mischief.  She kept her cigarettes in a green glass elephant and one day in the 70’s my father and her were discussing how all the kids were now smoking pot.  As my dad was leaving her house later that day she said to him, “Billy, maybe you could leave one of those marijuana cigarettes in my elephant.”  She truly lived to experience life.   

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

My very first memory as a person was walking to day care with my dad after a storm.  The sidewalk was still wet but was starting to dry out.  We saw a slug on the quickly drying pavement and as a three year old my first reaction was, “EWW! Squish it Daddy!”  Not only did he not squish it but helped me to move it to the safety of the grass.  “The snail has a soul just like you and me.  We are all connected.”  I guess this is more of a lesson than advice but my grandmother taught my father to treat everything as you want the world to treat you and my father passed this philosophy on to me.  Not only has it defined how I live my life but it helps when life isn’t feeling so special to feel the interconnectedness of the universe and know that we are all in this together.    

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

Most of the elements in the human body were created in the inferno of a burning star. -NASA

“I feel like it should be noted that I’m a Sagittarius”, says Kristen Naranjo as she sits on her living room couch, talking with both ease and excitement. While I’m not one to follow astrology, the sheer resolve in her statement made me Google the ninth sign, and discover that, yes, the person in front of me is, indeed, the epitome of a Sagittarius. This is the kind of woman you want to befriend. She speaks as though on the verge of a perpetual smile, and listens with such intensity she’s almost active in her attentiveness. She’s not one to follow a path, and still remains supremely confident in the choices she makes.

A testament to this is her current situation: after years of bartending and then managing two craft cocktails bars in Seattle, Kristen left the industry because she discovered her passion for her work was dwindling. Impressively, she left her job without planning a next step (something, I learned, that us Scorpios are not terribly adept at doing).  “In lieu of trying to responsibly find that next thing, like, I’ll go back to school, or take up a job in real estate… (jumping into one thing) didn’t seem appropriate because I don’t know what it’s going to be next. And I needed to be ok with taking a break.” What Kristen chose to do is something so few of us are willing to do: to abandon ease and familiarity for search of something unknown. She describes her situation as “humbling” and appreciates the freedom she has found in not “always knowing everything, like I did in my twenties”.

Kristen’s honest approach to this period of her life is something worth emulating—she’s managing to explore what she loves while still trying something new. She’ll begin tour managing her best friend’s band (Seattle’s King Dude) in September, combining her love of travel, music, and friends into a completely new venture, and has proven herself content to remain open ended after returning later this fall, “I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m ok with that,” She says. “And I will learn so much more because I will be open to people teaching me.”  

Kristen’s enthusiasm for this period of her life is palpable, and maybe even a little contagious. Though she submitted the Project Girl Crush questions I sent her several weeks prior to our interview, she actually asked to redo her answers now that her outlook has changed. See her revised responses, below. 

What inspires you to get up in the morning?

This might sound ridiculous, but after being a bartender for a decade I am suddenly awake at 7am and LOVING the mornings. It feels like I’ve been in bed with the universe and we open our eyes together. In reality, I am finally waking up to my husband who has a 9-5 and probably thinks I’m ridiculous for being so stoked to finally be a morning person! But at least he has someone to drink coffee with now in the mornings besides our cats.

How and where do you find that inspiration throughout your day, and what has that inspiration compelled you to do in your life? 

I am never lacking inspiration; I find that in many things. I am empowered by my incredibly supportive (and rational) husband who encourages and embraces my wild side and loves me for all of my daydreaming ways. I am a kite and he is my string.

What challenges have you met in chasing that inspiration?

In my mind, anything is possible. In reality, there is a mortgage to pay and I can’t eat hamburgers and ice cream everyday. I think the challenge of making your dreams a reality is very delicate and worth taking risks to achieve.

Who do you have a girl crush on (you don’t have to know her, she doesn’t even have to be alive)?

My late mother first and foremost. But I must give much credit to the collective of all my fabulous girlfriends and my sister as women I admire. They are all faceted and courageous, and inspire me to be true to myself, to be compassionate towards others and to allow myself to be creative and loved.

Who/what is your “spirit animal” (who or what exhibits something you would like to embody? This could reflect the person you are today, or the person you might hope to grow into).

The Albatross. I love sea birds and the Fleetwood Mac song is one of my favorites. And I love flying, and used to be a Flight Attendant.

What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

Dare to dream. My mother.

What are you listening to on your ipod/car stereo/transistor radio right now?

Been listening to Chelsea Wolfe, getting excited to tour with King Dude. Other summer jams - reggae/rasta vibes, Trinidad James “All Gold Everything”, Big Deal, Slow Magic. Yeah all thats been on heavy rotation.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you.

The Alt-J lyric ‘-Like all good fruit the balance of life is in the ripe and ruin’ is a totally rad philosophy.

“Everything I know about womanhood I learned from gay men,” said Ma'Chell Duma LaVassar, the Editrix-In-Chief of STACKEDD Magazine, a publication that is for the women - and those who identify as such – by women. “I always felt I was “too much” of everything in the eyes of other girls and with gay dudes that was never the case.” A Seattle transplant, Ma’Chell’s early years were spent in North Dakota, where her understanding of herself didn’t quite align with the local sensibilities of what it meant to be a woman.  At the time, Ma’Chell didn’t revel in strong female relationships, and when she migrated west to pursue her obsession with music, she found herself amidst that cozy group of aforementioned gay men who taught her what is was to embrace herself – and she began to reshape her idea of femininity. “I felt like an observer of female culture, not a participant in it.  I was however reading tons of feminist literature during my “gay” heyday. So I kind of trained to be a friend to women before I actually was one.”

It didn’t take long for Ma’Chell to be adopted by some influential women in the local scene. After an ‘urban makeover’, Ma’Chell was living the dream of her former Midwestern self. She worked the gamete of the music industry: booking shows, working production, and doing PR for a variety of veterans: Infinite Productions, One Reel, and the infamous Sit & Spin. She dated rock stars and indulged in a world unlike the one she was born into.

“I managed to undo all my hard work and rep within about a year on cocaine. I’d had a very painful condition called PCOS, where I was getting large frequently rupturing cysts on my ovaries, so I was definitely self-medicating too. When I meet people who I met between 2001-02, I just apologize immediately.”

Recognizing the need for change, Ma’Chell met a good guy and the two of them opted to leave Seattle behind for New York. It was there that she began writing full time while paving her career as one of the most influential and read writers in Seattle. But the landscape changed for Ma’Chell when instead of working with female editors, she began working for men. Suddenly, she felt unjustly critiqued and asked to justify opinions that didn’t adhere to the bizarre and often misogynistic politics of industry.

In early 2015, she launched STACKEDD. Ma’Chell decided to empower not only herself as an editor, but also other female-identifying writers who so desperately needed a forum for their opinions. “I kind of took everything I hated about the business and threw it out the window when I came up with our business plan.” Ma’Chell described of the launch of STACKEDD. “We are essentially working against the proven model of web site success, which is to get as much controversial content as you can, fill your page with as much advertising as you can and pay people nothing if you can get away with it.  I didn’t want us to be another cog in that media wheel. I want us to rebuild the wheel.” Ma’Chell has never been one to back down in the face of a challenge, and reconstructing our expectations of digital media is yet another testament to that. And since that wheel is broken, Ma’Chell is going to be the one to fix it. 

What lured you back to Seattle after your New York move?

(My son) Strummer’s dad was offered a position when he graduated from law school in Austin. I’d had a really difficult pregnancy and Strummer showed up two months early while his dad was away doing an internship in D.C. I was stressed to the max, a new mom with a very little baby and very little help and when I saw women walking backwards up eight flights of Subway steps pulling a stroller I just felt overwhelmed. We wound up in Austin not knowing anyone and it put a huge strain on our relationship. My physical problems had also come to a head and I had to get a hysterectomy six weeks before we moved to Seattle. We came back because we had family and friends here and hoped we could get things back on track marriage-wise. We were in Seattle six months and broke up, So coming back was just this crazy, surreal time for me. I’d come here a married person with a life plan in tack and all the sudden, it was like “what the hell am I going to do?”

Talk about some of the challenges you’ve faced as a writer?

I was super fortunate to write with and for some really great women when I first started.  Hannah Levin... Megan Selling who had to be like 22 when she was my editor, was one of the best I’ve ever had- encouraging, supportive and fair and tough when she needed to be. Aja Pecknold, Sara Brickner and Erin K Thompson gave me pretty much free reign when I worked for them at Seattle Weekly and some of my best writing was for them because of the leway. When I started working with and for men the experience was different. I was constantly asked to justify my opinions and recommendations whereas the women I’d worked with accepted me at my word. There were occasions when I’d meet a male editor I’d been working for they’d look me up and down and I knew I wasn't going to get any more work from them, just based on how they judged my appearance. I was to them, a “not fuckable” mom, so they didn’t see my value in any other capacity. Then there was just a lot of general sexism, like male editors rewriting me to the point I couldn’t recognize my own words and telling me things like, I needed to change my opinions in a piece because “Sexism doesn’t exist anymore”. The guy who said that to me is still very much employed and probably saying that same dumb shit to another woman right now...

I’ve always felt in some ways this was an easy and logical career for me, especially the music writing- I’m knowledgeable, smart and high opinionated, so criticism is right in my wheelhouse. The work has never been as much of a challenge as getting the jobs and keeping them. I did the national freelance circuit for about a year prior to starting STACKEDD and it was tough. The jobs were highly competitive, didn’t pay (like $50 for national magazine blog post) and I’d encounter things like loosing a story to someone because they had 1000 more Twitter followers and were willing to work for free and it became increasingly frustrating. 

What inspired you to start STACKEDD?

The problems I’d mentioned above, in addition to feeling like I’d reached a point where I wanted complete creative control over my work. I’ve had papers change hands on me and have my work disappear from the internet or become very hard to find. They say what’s on the internet is forever, but when someone stops paying to maintain archives, poof- your work is gone.  I knew I had the chops and ideas to be an editor but would never get that opportunity if I didn’t present those skills myself.  I also wanted to give a forum to other women, where they would never have to experience the negative side of the business I had.

Why is STACKEDD such a necessary add to media today?

I kind of took everything I hated about the business and threw it out the window when I came up with our business plan.

We are comment-free so our traffic is made up of people who actually want to hang out, read and take in work - Not to throw snarky comments back at us.  We don’t do click-bait or troll baiting to get people to read us. We try and keep our advertising as minimally invasive as possible. I’d hate to splash pop up ads over one of our fantastic photo series for instance.

We also pay everyone for contributing. Which was extremely important to me. People have an expectation of free content now that just boggles my mind. They turn on their computer or phone and want free stories, music, photos and art without thinking about the people who create it. I love all Art and feel it is beyond valuable. 

We have a few great sponsors who get what we do and buy ads with us, but I’m still footing the bill for most of our costs-literally putting my money where my mouth is. I’m not wealthy by any means, I have a small amount of equity in my home that’s paying for STACKEDD. I work with a very small budget comparative to other magazines and online publications, but I’m crazy proud of the work we’ve been able to put out. 

What do you love about yourself?

“Can’t”  is a word I never use. So many people get stuck in life and the they are quick to list off all the reasons they can’t change or be successful. When I encounter a challenge or a problem my immediate response is to say “how can we do this?” and brainstorm 20 ways to make it happen. Aside from the magazine I’m starting to take on consulting jobs where, I just listen to people list their businesses’ problems and present them with out-of- the box solutions.  Some people find that extremely annoying, because they take it as criticism, but if you are open to new ideas and opinions you can really change your life. I have a brain that doesn’t work like other people’s, but I feel like I’ve found a way to use it as an advantage. There are few things in life I’ve wanted and haven’t got by working really hard for them. Aesthetically, I’d say genetically I have great skin, which doesn’t age and keeps me looking about ten years younger than I am. Being wrinkle- free is also a great benefit of chub. You can shoot your face full of weird fillers or you could just eat a damn sandwich, ya know?

What don’t you love about yourself?

I’ve really struggled with body image my whole life. When I was nine I started ovulating, got my period soon after and grew male pattern body hair and gained 30 pounds in a year. I pretty much lost control over my body till I had my hysterectomy at 37. My menstrual cycle and hormonal fluctuations controlled everything in my life and I spent many years in tons of pain and bleeding most of the month. I’d gain huge amounts of weight very quickly when I was cystic and feeling like you have no control over your body anyway doesn’t lead you to making good choices with it.

I don’t have a great relationship with my parents and a lot of that has to do with them not being accepting of me, my body and blaming me for being “fat’ which was and still is an embarrassment to them.  They never accepted my health problems as a reason for my size and you can’t keep people who are damaging to your self worth in your life, regardless of their connection to you.  You have to establish a fortress of boundaries to even have any sort of a relationship with people you can’t accept you for who you are.

Working in such an appearance-centric industry was and is tough, There were times in NYC when I was the only person of size at an event or fancy party and I’ve definitely lost jobs to other women who were deemed “hotter” because they were thin.

Until after my surgery which removed everything but one ovary to keep me from going into early menopause, I never felt like my body was my own. Just by working out regularly I lost over 20 pounds a year for about three years after. Last year I had to start taking artificial estrogen and I gained about 20 pounds back and was devastated for awhile, but I like sex too much not to take the medication, which keeps you lubricating and your body good to go. But what it finally came down to was: If I have to choose between a thicker waist and a happy vagina-I’ll choose the happy vagina every time.  I’m very “take it or leave it” when it comes to men and my body these days. And since I’ve always carried most of my junk in my truck, I’ve lived long enough to watch my “biggest flaw” become fashionable. I guess I have Christina Hendricks and Kim Kardashian to thank your that...those asses have been ahem… “Good for business” ;)

I’m also very critical of myself and can be with other people. I come from a hyper critical family, so getting over that has been a hurdle. Being a mom has helped, because I’d never want my kid to be that critical of himself or feel like I was doing it to him. 

Name one of your girl crushes, and why you are crushin’ on her:

I recently became reacquainted with Tracy Cilona who runs Twilight Gallery. She and I met briefly a few years ago at a Hole concert  thorough Hannah and she told me she had a piece on Courtney I’d written hanging on her fridge, which is like the highest compliment for a writer. I too always had other women’s work I liked on my fridge. The death of print media probably has but a nail in the coffin of that  though… Anyway, I love the work she features at her gallery which is strong, sexual, fearless and very punk rock and she is just cool, fun and open which are great qualities in a girl crush.

I have crushes on all the girls who write for us. They each bring something to the table that’s cool and different.

And I’m generally cucumber cool around celebs, because ya know, they should be so luck that they get to meet me;) but I have only ever completely lost my cheese over meeting Joan Jett, every woman who loves rocks ultimate girl crush, and Pamela Des Barres who wrote “I’m with the Band” which is one of my favorite books ever. I squealed and babbled so much nonsense at her someone came over and asked me to keep it down.  Kim Gordon recently said in an interview that” I’m with the Band” is the greatest music bio ever and I felt super vindicated for my crazy.

When was the last time you were guilty of judging a woman too quickly?

I try to be cognizant of this all the time. Snap judgements don’t get us anywhere as people and if you don’t let them reveal themselves to you you’ll never actually know them, but in the same respect Maya Angelou was right  when she said” when someone shows you who they are- believe them”. I would have to say starting the magazine and working with so many really young women, I had a judgments about their knowledge and depth of character just because they were young, and that was counter-productive and wrong. I also think women have a hard time distinguishing between instincts and judgments because our opinions are often disputed and relegated.  Having an instinct that something is off with someone is different than a judgment, and it’s important to learn to differentiate between the two. 

What frustrates you about the way women treat each other?

I didn’t come to be a feminist through my relationships with women as much as my relationships with gay men, so this seques a little differently for me. I didn't have good and do not now have any relationship with my mom, I don’t have sisters and I was born into a very small minded environment where the girls I grew up with were sprinting as fast as they could to marry high school and college boyfriends and become their mothers and I wanted none of that.

My experiences with other women as a girl weren't great so I didn’t really forge friendships with them till later in life. So much of who I am is because a large posse of gay men adopted me and took me in when I moved to Seattle, they encouraged me to be my crazy, fun, slutty, smart, outspoken, confident self, whereas those things were always deemed a negative by girls I’d tried to befriend. Everything I know about womanhood I learned from gay men. I always felt I was “too much” of everything in the eyes of other girls and with gay dudes that was never the case. I felt like an observer of female culture, not a participant in it.  I was however reading tons of feminist literature during my “gay” heyday. So I kind of trained to be a friend to women before I actually was one.  Then through those guys I met like minded women and that’s when things shifted for me.

I think women are bred to compete with each other and it rears it’s head in ugly ways.  I hate negative gossip and women cutting each other down. When I was starting the mag I went to Victoria from Vain to ask how she managed her staff which is mostly women and contained that situation and she said she has a “No Mess in the Nest” policy -which essentially means you keep the BS at the door.  I don’t tolerate shit talk about other women within our organization. If you have a problem with someone else you address it in an email to me with them cc’d in or you don’t say it. I fire anyone immediately who doesn’t respect this policy.  I’ve had to implement it in my personal life too. It someone gossips to you or cuts other women down to you, they will sure as shiz to it to you, and those kind of people, regardless of gender, don’t belong in your life, they will drag you down with them so quickly. 

What do you love about the way women treat each other?

I have everything I do because other women who were secure in themselves were willing to take a chance on me and saw things in me I didn’t yet see in myself. Their kindness, humor and open-mindedness is what assured me safety in the female friendships I value everyday.

Anna-Lisa Notter is a thousand things. An accomplished artist, her focus tends to center around visual art commissions, sign painting, murals, and chalkboards. She’s a singer with folk band Hannalee, and can also be found singing back up for Seattle’s Shelby Earl. Occasionally, she acts in plays or industrial commercials or does voice over work on live radio theater. Anna-Lisa is also a mother. “All to say,” She grins, “I’ve taken on my father’s title of “Renaissance Man” and applied it to my life by wearing many hats.” This woman’s energy is infectious, and it’s not surprising to find that performance is such an enormous aspect of her life. She’s expressive in a way that engages everyone around her; her face, voice, and her body are not shy to reflect precisely what’s happening inside. She also strikes an incredible balance of embracing motherhood and recognizing her own needs, shifting but never compromising for the sake of creativity. “Being in my studio with no agenda is so liberating. I know those days will come again soon enough, but at the moment, I’m finding new inspiration making my baby laugh. Watching her watch the world.”
Her honesty evident, Anna-Lisa isn’t hesitant to discuss the various challenges she has face, especially of late. As a mother and artist, she does struggle to achieve the balance that seems (at least to the outsider) to be so effortless. She claims not to have found the answer, though her ability to share her focus between her daughter, Willow (who was 8 months at the time of our interview), while carrying on heartfelt conversation is inspiring. She discussed her fears about raising a woman today, the difficulty of honoring her craft while juggling motherhood, the death of her father and subsequent recovery from loss, all while cooing and fawning attentively over her infant. It’s such an incredible thing to witness, and a lesson for someone like myself who tends to procrastinate or become overwhelmed by all of the things I want to accomplish in a day. That daunting feeling is so often paralyzing, yet Anna-Lisa manages to navigate all of her interests, all of her talents, and all of what’s expected of her so evenly. Perhaps it’s her seemingly endless energy, or the call of being an artist that allows her to wear all of her aforementioned hats, but Anna-Lisa achieves her balance with a palpable kind of joy. 

What shall we call you?

Anna-Lisa. Some others have dubbed me A.L., Al, Auntie-Lisa, Honeybaby, Chickachoo and most recently named in a ceremony by my DragonFamily, Piaf Joy.
 
What do you do that you love, and how did you find yourself there?

I LOVE making. All sorts of things. I need busy hands. I love to draw. I lose myself in a painting when I manage to carve away the time to set it all up…Singing all the while… Attempting new instruments. Performing. Knitting while watching football. (EXCEPT for that Super Bowl!) 
The conflict has always been my inability to PICK. JUST. ONE. THING. I’m finally accepting the fact that I can’t. I know I’d become SO much better at my craft (whichever I settled on) if I harnessed my energy and focused. And still, my heart won’t let me. I need to perform and be surrounded by people and the collaborative energy, and then I need to run away from the noise and draw or paint in isolation for hours. If I don’t balance them out, my body and soul starts to feel lopsided.

What inspires you to get up in the morning/stay up late into the night?

I’ve got some serious OCD in my family…sometimes an idea strikes me or I’m mid art project and I lose track of time. I’ll forget to eat, or at least be annoyed that I ought to if I remember. I was always a night owl before the baby…sadly, I think I still am. I just know I ought to switch schedules ‘cause those morning hours start to hurt! Coffee is really the answer.

What challenges have you met in chasing that inspiration?

Making money can be exhausting. It’s hard to navigate what you really REALLY want to do as an artist, what you CAN do instead, and the third option being what you possibly OUGHT to do so as to keep a budget and your anxiety at a minimal. It gets easier as the years go by to let go of certain expectations of myself and accept who I truly am and what I’m created to do.

Who do you have a girl crush on?

My paternal great grandmother was an artist who sculpted porcelain dolls that sold in Nordstrom in the 1950s. My maternal great grandmother emigrated to Seattle from Sweden as a teenager at the turn of the century, alone, leaving behind her twelve elder siblings and parents to seek adventures in the new unknown world. We still have her guitar. My grandmother was a prized quilter and teacher at Parson’s School of Design. My other grandmother, one of the only female doctors in her class during the 1940s. Her daughter, my sole aunt by blood has the most beautiful operatic soprano voice I know and has enriched every family gathering I can remember with her song and smile. 
My mother is a retired high school art teacher and one of the most talented artists I know. She raised four children, sacrificing much of her own time to allow us kids to discover our own passions and is now living a brave and bold new life as a retired widow. She travels all around the world, is babysitter as often as is humanly possible for her five grandchildren and a super fan of all our music projects. My sister is following suit as a part-time graphic designer who is raising four children under the age of six. One day in her home and you too would acknowledge that she is superhuman. I married into a family full of other incredibly strong women. My mother-in-law was a Super Delegate for the Democratic National Committee and took us to Washington D.C. to witness President Obama’s first inauguration. She’s also trained as an architect, mother of two and super grandma to four lucky little girls. Her mother raised two young daughters on her own when her husband passed, jumped up into the business world and became the head interior decorator for major hotels across Hawaii in the 1960s. Mike’s sister is also a doctor, married to a doctor, raising three beautiful and intelligent girls. Mike would argue that I was sold on him once I met his family and saw that he was surrounded by strong, fearless women. My number one female crush is…..MY DAUGHTER! Willow Bea. Six months old and she has already won my heart and become my favorite lady imaginable! I can’t wait to watch her unfold year after year into the woman she is meant to be.
 
If you had the opportunity to ask her anything, what would it be?

I ask all of them questions all the time. How do you balance work and family? Do you drink as much coffee as I do? What excites you about life? What projects are you working on? How can we collaborate? What fills your cup? How do you rest?

Who/what is your spirit animal?

I’ve always loved elephants. Don’t really know why. I think I’m drawn to their massive presence, their power, and their seemingly calm disposition. I wear a necklace of one around my neck often. I saw one at the Woodland Park Zoo dancing years ago. Simply rocking back and forth, lifting his front leg up, then stepping back, kicking his back leg up and then coming to the center again. It was like a step aerobics class. Over and over, dancing just for the fun of it. I probably watched him for an hour. I may have fallen in love with elephants then.
 
What’s a fantastic piece of advice you have been given in your life, and who gave it to you?

“Redeem the Time.” My dad’s favorite quote. He passed away in 2007 from a motorcycle accident and died on impact. That phrase pops up in my head all the time and I think about it as applied to him. Life is short and you never know when it’s going to end. You better be doing what you love, letting go of the stuff that doesn’t matter and treating people around you as you wish to be treated. My dad’s passing has helped me to live bravely and boldly, less afraid to pursue my dreams.

Who is the person in your life that helps fuel love and creativity, and how does he or she do so?

My husband. I was partly drawn to him because he was the most authentic artist I’ve ever met. He lives a life full of passion, thoughtfulness, discipline and focus. He believes in my artistry as well as his own and I could never dream of a more supportive partner. When I doubt myself, he encourages me. When I create, he gives constructive criticism if I ask for it, bolsters me up when he feels inspired to do so and gives me creative space when it’s needed. Together, we dream of a life where we can both be the artists we feel called to be. He is a prolific songwriter that cleans windows by day and I like to think myself as an artist who has catered off and on for inspiration. ;)
 
What do you love most about being a woman?

Our bodies are miraculous! We grow human beings inside of us! I’ve just experience this for the first time six months ago….well, for the past year or so is a little more accurate. It is mind blowing. Our bodies stretch and accommodate for a tiny human to grow in our bellies. Without us having to read about it, get a degree or understand any of it. Our bodies just DO IT. We then labor. Without needing to know a thing as well…pure instinct and species survival. Mother Nature is called mother for a reason. It births, it grows and evolves and cycles with grace and ease.

What challenges have you encountered in your life that are linked to your gender?

I was a theater major, which I loved! My college experience was pure bliss. During school, I was able to play. I could become anything and everything I wanted to….casting was more or less blind. Gender, age, and body didn’t matter. We even had a cross gender focus that allowed us to play with embodying the opposite sex, learning and adapting subtle mannerisms, working with our voice range and inflections. This was when I loved theater. It freed my imagination and stretched my abilities as a performer to have no limits…to live in someone else’s shoes and story. After graduation, I auditioned and received my Actor’s Equity card with an amazing world premiere of Becky’s New Car at ACT Theater. I played the rich, spoiled daughter of a billionaire. Maybe slightly typecast as a blonde. But it was a brilliant comedy and I was surrounded by the most talented actors I could imagine gleaning from. After that show, there were more auditions, more scripts read, commercial or television opportunities, and after each one, the fire dimmed within me. I was instructed to wear a more revealing shirt to the callback once. I was told that the best advice I could take to heart was to “never get fat.” How naked would I be willing to be? There are no parts for women over thirty. THIS is my primetime. To be a blonde ingénue in her 20s and 30s IS my career and it will be over shortly. But I didn’t want to play those parts. I didn’t want to be the girlfriend, love interest, the bitch, the slut. That was never the reason I acted. I wanted to tell real stories. Stories that mattered. I wanted my body to be a vessel that could be transformed and used to house a characters spirit, not a restriction that said who I couldn’t be. Basically, the reality of commercial acting hit me post college. It was about then that I was drawn more and more to music and performing with my husband or contemporaries in the folk-rock scene of Seattle. I got to perform and connect to an audience, but we got to sing OUR songs. We get to be ourselves. This shift coincided with my dad’s passing as well. When I felt real loss and pain in my life for the first time, I had a harder time conjuring up sad imagery to make myself cry on demand. Life hurt too much and I didn’t need to relive a make believe pain night after night on a stage. To be honest, it was just too painful to tap into my own heartbreak. I know I will come back to the stage someday, and maybe not long from now. I really do love it. I just want to prove that it is something that I can do in thirty years. Maybe by then I’ll be taken more seriously as a comedic actress. I’ve studied a lot of I Love Lucy during my high school years. I hope to use it again soon.

Tell me something pretty. A quote, a lyric, whatever it is that inspires you. 
 
Valhalla by Hannalee (lyrics by Mike Notter)
 
Follow where the quiet voices lead you
Close your eyes and they will know the way 
Watch for where the broken people need you 
And longing not to go will come to stay 
 
Rise and breathe the air that’s all around you
Once a day works wonders for your health
Find the ones who opened up and found you
And lead them down the road to lose yourself
 
Such risings and fallings inside you come dancing like la la la la
My mother my father I know you I’m going to Valhalla
 
Marvel at the girl who kneels before you
Fall before her kneeling further still
Laughing with the children who adore you
Empty out your heart to get your fill
 
Like cold rushing waters inside you come spinning like la la la la
My mother my father I know you I’ll see you in Valhalla
 
Sing the song of joy that’s born within you
Drawing near to those who’ve done the same
Welcoming the end as you begin to
Fade into the light from which you came
 
Such colors and flashings inside you come singing like la la la la
My mother my father I know you I’ll see you in Valhalla

Ok-super-quickly-without-hesitating-write-down-the-first-five-words-that-come-into-your-mind.

That’s all for now, folks!

“My name is Talitha, and I am passionate about people.” This is how our conversation begins. Talitha Bullock, with her quiet, enviable poise, has a way of knowing things.  She knows things about herself that most struggle to realize, and she knows things about others – often things they don’t know about themselves. The first time Talitha and I spent solo time together, she admitted to having stalked me a bit on Facebook. Somewhat recently out of a serious relationship, I hadn’t mentioned all of the sordid details to her. Yet, based solely on the photos she had seen, she observed that I didn't allow myself much space in my relationship with my then partner. Um. Wow. Touché, Talitha.

This is what Talitha does for a living – she listens, she observes, she’s aware. Splitting her time between her practice as a therapist and a freelance photographer, Talitha’s sensitivity to others is as evident as it is necessary. But, perhaps more impressive is her awareness of herself. Due in part to her hyper-sensitivity to others, Talitha finds that she often becomes absorbed in the suffering of others. “I think there’s a gift in that and a curse, too. Being about people… you’re along for the ride. Which means, I can’t really step into someone else’s [suffering] until I step into my own.” And finding that space, identifying where she needs to seek growth, is as challenging for her as it is anyone else.  “Sometimes I feel insecure about not being articulate, so I try and find these big words, and end up using them in the wrong context. Trying to impress can be really paralyzing.” Somehow, Talitha describes her own shortcomings with a mixture of humility and ease. And through these revealing admissions, she maintains a subtle, underlying confidence. Perhaps it’s in her ability to find comfort in flaw, to make peace with discomfort, and just be there in a place where she doesn’t just know everything. “Seattle has been like a womb to me... And after the womb, comes the birthing process. And I feel like the universe is almost… pushing me out. And I feel scared, and vulnerable…. And confident that it’s time. And I don’t know exactly what it’s time for, but it just feels like it’s time.”

People often debate whether or not one can be truly fulfilled by what she does – do you feel fulfilled by your work?

I really do. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t feel honored and blessed to do this work. After each session, be that therapy or photography, I learn a bit more about the human experience, about myself and my body.

Where else do you derive creative/emotional/intellectual fulfillment?

I take walks, like a lot of them. In some ways I feel like an elderly woman, taking my nightly strolls, listening, reflecting, and turning inward. There’s something sacred about walking. There’s a rhythm to it that feels spiritual for me. I take in the little things that I normally miss when I’m driving by or texting (not doing both at once :)

Name one instance that made you feel vulnerable, unprepared, and/or scared:

Ugg…There’s that word, “vulnerable.” The emotion that we as humans try and stay far from. And yet, situations, relationships, this work asks me to be vulnerable all the time. I feel vulnerable when someone expects something from me. When I show up to a shoot, there’s this mixture of vulnerability and confidence. It’s like those two have a conversation with one another throughout the shoot. I just continue to let those two exist for me.

What helped you navigate that challenge?

Reminding myself that I am human, that I mess up, that I disappoint people, even myself.

Name your greatest professional achievement:

I would say, when I had the opportunity to shoot a cook book for an amazing celebrity chef named Domenica Catelli! I learned a TON about food photography and it helped me pay for grad school!

Name your greatest personal achievement:

Being in therapy. The time and money I have put into self-examination and healing...definitely consider that a personal achievement

Who do you have a girl crush on? Why?

My dearest friend, Andria Linquist! She is resilient, intelligent, and super business savvy! Her photography work is so gorgeous! Her energy is contagious! And she so giving too! I could keep going if you want.....?

Who are you intimidated by? Why?

I don’t really get intimidated by others. Strange to admit, but true. I moved around my whole life and had to consistently be meeting new people. Some more famous than others, some more successful to the worlds standards than others. We are all human though. I tend to land back at that reality.

What’s a meaningful piece of advice you have been given, and who gave it to you?

Advice is often replaced with questions that help me engage my heart. Christie Lynk, a favorite professor and mentor of mine continues to ask these 2 important questions; “What do I want?” “How will I participate in that?”

At what age did you feel most vulnerable, and why?

I’ve always felt vulnerable. I wasn’t able to name it as that until my adult years. The moments I have felt desire, I have felt vulnerability

What advice would you share with that former self?

That desire is good. That vulnerability is good. And then I would give me a HUGE HUG!

How do you see your life 30 years from now?

Taking nightly walks and continuing to love others well.

What steps are you taking currently to achieve that vision of your future?

Doing exactly that.